Yesterday I got a package in the mail from an online order I placed last week. It was all sale items that were so cheap, I feel like I basically stole them. Two of the items were shoes. $6 shoes. Same style of shoes, different colors.
That's just part of the Science of being a woman.
Cheap, cute shoes? You have to get them in more than one color.
This goes for clothing too.
Which got me to thinking, what are some other scientifical facts of being a woman?
I'm not talking about chromosomes and all of that nonsense I chose to sleep through in high school, I'm talking to real stuff. The stuff that makes us chicks.
I got a little help from my fellow chicks Ty Ty, Samilicious and Sexa Lexa on this one so that this post didn't turn into one just weird stuff about me.
Today I present to you:
The Science of Women
"Just one more" never means just one more.
Whether we're talking drinks or cookies or potato chips, it's never just one more. We will just one more until we are stumbling out of the bar or crying over the scale the next morning because of the package of Milano cookies we took down the night before. Maybe both.
It doesn't matter how tall and/or uncomfortable a pair of shoes are.
If they make our legs look bangin', we will endure a night of pain and countless blisters.
We may also taking a tumble on concrete on account of said shoes.
Not that I've experienced this or anything...
"I'm fine" really means "you better come over here and make it fine".
If you hear the words "I'm fine" come out of a woman's mouth, you might as well go ahead and start apologizing. Also, go get
a box of wine some flowers and prepare to tell her how great her hair looks today.
Don't wake a sleeping woman.
Would you ever try to wake up a bear that is hybernating? No.
Beauty sleep is a real thing. Just don't wake us up, OK?
If your favorite song comes on you absolutely have to stop everything and start singing/dancing.
We can't pass up an opportunity to enjoy our favorite song, that would be just horrible. It's not like we listened to it the entire time we were getting ready or have the song on our phone to listen to on repeat in our car. No, we are hearing the song for probably the 4th time ever and everyone needs to stop what they're doing so we can enjoy it.
Sorry friend, I can not take a photo with you right now. This is my song.
"Do whatever you want to do" really means "you're screwed if you do that thing you want to go do".
If you ever hear a woman tell you to go do whatever you want to do, you better abort mission and go ahead do whatever it is that she wants you to do. In fact, if you do decide to actually go out and do whatever you want to do you can go ahead and count on her holding whatever over your head for the next 6 months. Or forever.
If you compliment us on something we're wearing or doing, it will happen a lot more frequently.
If you tell a woman you love it when she wears red lipstick, you will see red lipstick making appearances in your life more than you ever wanted to. We will wear it until it's exhausted because we feel pretty now that we know you think we look hot in it.
"I'll be ready in like 5 minutes" means you better take a seat and pop open a cold one.
Whatever you do, don't rush a woman. The minute you start rushing a woman her hair will be all wrong, she will choose the wrong outfit and ultimately she will probably forget to put on bronzer. You will end up hearing about it and how it's all your fault for the remainder of the night. Just go ahead and turn on some Sportscenter and start getting your Friday night buzz on.
"I'm going to Target, I'll be back in 30 mintes" means FREEZE ALL CREDIT CARDS IMMEDIATELY.
Kiss your paycheck goodbye and don't expect anything for Valentines Day, homie. Also, girlfriend isn't going to be home for at least two hours. Maybe you should take a nap.
Loyalty runs in our veins.
If you mess with any of our friends we take it straight to heart as if you've just messed with us personally.
Speaking of friends, I'm guest posting for one of mine today. Go check it out on Brookie's blog so this photo makes more sense to you.