Friday, February 1, 2013

The Science of Women

Yesterday I got a package in the mail from an online order I placed last week. It was all sale items that were so cheap, I feel like I basically stole them. Two of the items were shoes. $6 shoes. Same style of shoes, different colors.
That's just part of the Science of being a woman. 
Cheap, cute shoes? You have to get them in more than one color.
This goes for clothing too.


Which got me to thinking, what are some other scientifical facts of being a woman?
I'm not talking about chromosomes and all of that nonsense I chose to sleep through in high school, I'm talking to real stuff. The stuff that makes us chicks.
I got a little help from my fellow chicks Ty TySamilicious and Sexa Lexa on this one so that this post didn't turn into one just weird stuff about me.


Today I present to you:
The Science of Women

"Just one more" never means just one more
Whether we're talking drinks or cookies or potato chips, it's never just one more. We will just one more until we are stumbling out of the bar or crying over the scale the next morning because of the package of Milano cookies we took down the night before. Maybe both.

It doesn't matter how tall and/or uncomfortable a pair of shoes are.
If they make our legs look bangin', we will endure a night of pain and countless blisters.
We may also taking a tumble on concrete on account of said shoes.
Not that I've experienced this or anything...

"I'm fine" really means "you better come over here and make it fine".
If you hear the words "I'm fine" come out of a woman's mouth, you might as well go ahead and start apologizing. Also, go get a box of wine some flowers and prepare to tell her how great her hair looks today.

Don't wake a sleeping woman.
Would you ever try to wake up a bear that is hybernating? No. 
Beauty sleep is a real thing. Just don't wake us up, OK?

If your favorite song comes on you absolutely have to stop everything and start singing/dancing.
We can't pass up an opportunity to enjoy our favorite song, that would be just horrible. It's not like we listened to it the entire time we were getting ready or have the song on our phone to listen to on repeat in our car. No, we are hearing the song for probably the 4th time ever and everyone needs to stop what they're doing so we can enjoy it.
Sorry friend, I can not take a photo with you right now. This is my song.

"Do whatever you want to do" really means "you're screwed if you do that thing you want to go do".
If you ever hear a woman tell you to go do whatever you want to do, you better abort mission and go ahead do whatever it is that she wants you to do. In fact, if you do decide to actually go out and do whatever you want to do you can go ahead and count on her holding whatever over your head for the next 6 months. Or forever.

If you compliment us on something we're wearing or doing, it will happen a lot more frequently.
If you tell a woman you love it when she wears red lipstick, you will see red lipstick making appearances in your life more than you ever wanted to. We will wear it until it's exhausted because we feel pretty now that we know you think we look hot in it.

"I'll be ready in like 5 minutes" means you better take a seat and pop open a cold one.
Whatever you do, don't rush a woman. The minute you start rushing a woman her hair will be all wrong, she will choose the wrong outfit and ultimately she will probably forget to put on bronzer. You will end up hearing about it and how it's all your fault for the remainder of the night. Just go ahead and turn on some Sportscenter and start getting your Friday night buzz on.

"I'm going to Target, I'll be back in 30 mintes" means FREEZE ALL CREDIT CARDS IMMEDIATELY.
Kiss your paycheck goodbye and don't expect anything for Valentines Day, homie. Also, girlfriend isn't going to be home for at least two hours. Maybe you should take a nap.

Loyalty runs in our veins.
If you mess with any of our friends we take it straight to heart as if you've just messed with us personally. 
Speaking of friends, I'm guest posting for one of mine today. Go check it out on Brookie's blog so this photo makes more sense to you.



Also, be sure to check out The Browse today for my new project with this lady

86 comments:

  1. Love this! All of them are absolutely true! :)

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  2. I just BUSTED out laughing the credit card freeze! Lol you know us SO well, Dr. Whitney Ellen.

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  3. nailed it. seriously. even if I am the fat one, I am loyal to ya the day i d-i-e.

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  4. I love this. I've said/done all of these at least once before.

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  5. am i the only one having trouble reading your blog with this font??

    I will have you know I took the time to copy and paste your blog onto a word document just so I could read it, that's how much I like you!

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  6. These really are true! When I say that something is fine, my guy already knows to start apologizing, haha.

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  7. I love that Helene is wearing the neon hat in her BM picture, too perfect ;)

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  8. Yes, yes, yes....oh, and YES to all of these! I get scolded all the time because my "Just 5 more minutes" takes forever.

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  9. Yep. Nailed it.

    Also, do you use a specific action on photoshop to get that great filter on the photo of the shoes? Random question but I love how it looks. And the shoes are obviously adorable.

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  10. so so true!
    anytime that damn thrift shop song comes on at the bar, I have to dance (at least in my chair) and i do.not.dance. somethin' about it though... probably the "$20 in my pocket..." part just strikes a cord in my little ol' cheap, er frugal heart! :)

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  11. This is awesome! Things I agree with wholeheartedly:
    -don't wake a sleeping woman (my husband has learned this the hard way, haha)
    -5 minutes doesn't mean 5 minutes (my husband now tells me we have to be somewhere half an hour before we actually do, so we'll be there on time)

    Happy weekend!

    Sheree
    thehartungs.blogspot.ca

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  12. I almost emailed you about the font... but then again I hate it when people email me about my hair, so I didn't say anything. I read it anyway, and everything is spot. on. Except I don't wear heels... I'm already an amazon giant who hits her heads on the ceiling.

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  13. This post is gold.
    I'm actually sending the link to boyfriend.

    :)

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  14. Found you through Brooke's blog and love, love, love your blog! This post is SO true - every freaking bit of it. Especially the getting ready one. Lord, yes. Happy Friday!

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  15. These are pretty much on point. Esp Target. I tell him going to target (located 5min away), he gets made when I'm home over an hour later...duh you would think they would learn by now.....

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  16. You hit the nail on the damn head girlfriend! I think I'm going to bookmark the page and save it for the next prince charming to come along in my life :)

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  17. OMG I am emailing this to my husband! He needs to learn the never wake up a sleeping woman part! :) And I love the shoes!!!

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  18. Haha. My ex told me I was like the hulk when my sleep had been disturbed. I don't play no games.

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  19. These are all perfect. Every.single.one. Poor Russ had to learn some (ok, most if not all) of these the hard way. Too bad you girls didn't make this several years ago so I couldn't just print it and have him read it! ;)

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  20. Love those shoes!

    And how perfectly true this post is! It is a necessity that all males read this! =)

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  21. The target one --- oh so true!

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  22. Love this post girl.. My hubby knows better than to wake me...lol

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  23. I don't think you could have hit the nail on the head any more perfecter than this post. Yup perfecter is now a word. Webster eat your heart out! Thank you and AMEN!

    Lindsey
    www.lifeoncountryside.com

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  24. "Do whatever you want to do" in Staci language means "I'm gonna punch you in the peen if you don't do what I want"

    Also, gimme those shoes. The light blue ones.

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  25. just one more. i find myself saying that daily as i stuff my fists into chip bags or sitting at a bar an people are like AW COME ON ONE MOOOOREEE. ANd then I give in and my light weightness takes effect and the nxt thing i know im dancing on a cushiony barstool in heels

    the fav song thing...YES YES YES! girrrrl speak to my heart!! thats like me whenever either Drop It Low by Ester Dean comes on in a bar, or dougie. That phoeo is amazing haha

    speaking of the getting ready thing, you MUST watch this youtube video called "What Girls Really Do WHile Getting Ready" and its by the person WhatGirlsReally. Minus the fact that these girls are hot bishes with insane outfits, it is SO SO TRUE

    loved this list!! all 10000000 trillion percent true! I have to also add, if you drunkenly mistake the wrong hole, expect a 3 week angry dry spell. that is all.

    happy weekending to you!
    xoxoxo

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  26. Haha these are great.
    PS WHERE ARE THOSE $6 SHOES FROM?! For crying out loud they're darling.

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  27. hahah I agreed with almost all of these!!

    I just bought 2 shirts that are the exact same in different colors.
    My husband had a bag of chips the other night that we were sharing. I said 'one more' like 4 times hahah before he looked at me with big eyes and said just take the bag hahah whoops :)
    All conversations stop when my favorite song comes on. Singing and dancing is a must.
    I can't tell you how many times I tell my husband go warm up the car I will be ready in 5 min. Twenty minutes later he's like are we ready to leave yet?! hahah whoops!

    Love this post. I bet every woman will agree with it!

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  28. OMG I love this!!! I was laughing while reading the ENTIRE post.

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  29. Want.those.shoes. Where are they from? Also, couldn't agree more with everything that's posted. Especially the target thing...totally guilty of that a time or 12.

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  30. SO true to everything! I was on the phone this morning with my dad on the way to work and my jam came on the radio and I was like dad I GTG BYE and hung up so I could rock out. DUHHHH! Happy weekend gorgeous!

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  31. This is SO good. Also, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one on all of these things!
    :)

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  32. I completely agree about the target quote! I love going in target but 30 minutes? Please!!

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  33. Haha the complimenting one is SO true! I still have a shirt I wear all the time because some guy once told me it made my eyes look really blue - go figure.

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  34. Love this post - everything you wrote is SO TRUE! Seriously need to send this to my husband, maybe it would help him understand me more! He will ask me, I thought you only went to Target for Granola Bars? Yeah, well I had to scower the entire stores for good deals too and buy every single one of them I found! DUH!!!

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  35. Oh goodness, all of those are so completely true. I wish I understood the Target thing, but I have NEVER gone in and came out with only what I was planning on buying. Today was a perfect example...I had a list of two things...$50 later.

    Also- "I'm fine" and "do whatever you want to do" ...if a guy doesn't know by now that we mean the complete opposite of those, it is their own fault when they receive their punishments ha.

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  36. Hahhahha these are all spot on. Or, I'm just running in Target REAL quick to pick up ONE thing....

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  37. Every single one = truth! Love this and making my husband read it next!

    Jill
    Classy with a Kick

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  38. Loving them shoes! The problem with these clearance sales..you can end up buying ALOT OF STUFF still!

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  39. you absolutely nailed the translation of "it's fine"

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  40. Y'all really nailed it with this list. It is so accurate. I just might print this out and give a copy to all the men in my life.

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  41. genius! my target trips are probably the most dangerous thing i do in my life. i'm in their for hours and i leave starving and at least $100 poorer. everytime.
    -- jackiejade.blogspot.com

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  42. Hahahaha!! I love this entire thing, they are ALL TRUE!
    Haha

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  43. #savethechildren
    That is all I have to say about this.

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  44. Haha, I love this. These are all SO true!

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  45. First of all where the EFF do you buy shoes for 6.99$?? Second I just found your blog and I love it more than a box of good ass wine fo sho!! Third you said homie and that makes me laugh...so this is some funny shit in my book...oh yea you like to cuss and that also is right up my drunk ass alley! Thank you girl. Love all of this.

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  46. Oh yes Target is DANGEROUS!!! I never leave there w/o spending 100 bucks!

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  47. You definitely nailed every single on of these on the head, plus some. Love it!!

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  48. If I ever told my husband I was going to Target and I'd be back in 30 minutes, he'd probably tip over. He would think I am was sick or something! I love that place.

    Ramblings of a Suburban Mom

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  49. great! very funny...and very true!! right now it is me my husband and 5 sons in the house...they had to learn all of this stuff the hard way, the list would have been easier...
    I am your newest follower from the hop..pls follow back if you can.

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  50. A-fricken-men...to all of this.

    When I traveled with my Dad and saw a Target - he knew we HAD to stop. No questions, ever. No room for negotiation. (I'm Canadian - we don't have Targets!)

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  51. Oh my! You are right on! This is so true...lol Too funny. I need to forward this to my husband so he can have a little insight ;)

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  52. Target has mastered the art & science of women...I always joke that I run in there to buy toothpaste and come out spending $200 on ummmmm cute stuff??? Your blog posts are really the best! Keep us laughing and have a great weekend! :-)

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  53. I don't think Target is just a woman thing...I can't let my husband free in that store either. We only go together so we can leave with some semblance of a budget in check.

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  54. I still can't decide which shoe I like more. Duh, you bought two pair. How could you decide on just one? And for 6 bucks. Pshh. You should have got 3. This post is hilarious. Perfect. Spot on. I especially love the ones about "I'm fine" and "do what you want" hahahaha. I think I didn't realize girls did that... I thought it was just me, like I was special or something and super clever with my passive aggressive responses.. Great job. Ahh. to be a woman. Can't wait to read this list to the hubbs. :)

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  55. Oh my gosh, YES. These are all so true! I gotta say though, if a pair of shoes causes me pain, I won't wear them. I just won't endure it!

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  56. You never disappoint! The target one...yah....so true.

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  57. Ok my head is now sore from going up and down as I read this...........so bloody true...........

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  58. Target is just oh so true. Target just gets us and it's not my fault that they purposely have adorable displays and that I got paid. Yes, I'll take two pictures frames, a towel set, and that best-selling novel. Hahaha love this post, I'll have to share it with the hubs because he's way too familiar with my love of Turrrget.

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  60. Love this! Sharing on facebook :)

    http://busywifehealthylife.blogspot.com/

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  61. this is just so so good. and where the heck are those shoesies from, what a steal!

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  62. LOL. My ex-gf is a highly advanced Target Shopper. She can burn hundreds of dollars in a single visit.

    The flip side of this is that whenever we went together, we'd compare receipts to see who spent more. ;)

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  63. These are soooo true! Hahaha! And I want those shoes right meow! :P

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  64. I don't think you could have been more true about nearly all those things. Yet another great post!

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  65. I read this going 'yeppp, yes... oh I do that one too'. So, so true!
    [Yet people will still wake me while I'm sleeping. Why?!]

    nicolakirsty.blogspot.co.uk

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  66. OMG I want those shoes!!!! where did you get them?!?!??! I need them in my closet now! ;)

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  67. "If you compliment us on something we're wearing or doing, it will happen a lot more frequently." sooo true!! Haha great list! and I love those shoes!

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  68. Love! All so true. :) And those shoes are adorable!!

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  69. Hilarious, cray cray, but completely SPOT ON! Especially the one about compliments meaning we'll do x, y, z more. So true :)

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  70. Totally spot on. So glad I started following you when I did! Love the shoes, btw and love your saving savvy!! That makes those shoes all the more adorable!

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  71. where has your blog been my whole life? Seriously. We could be best friends.

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  72. I am officially not a girl. lol Some of these do hit the mark though....
    Love it!


    zuleyb.blogspot.com

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  73. I agree w/ all of these except the high-heeled shoes one. I've never understood why women feel the need to torture themselves like that. Me… I'm more of a Converse girl, myself. ;)

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  74. I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

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  75. This is so true, especially the "I'm fine"!

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