Hey there, sweet thangs. It's humpalump day, I've successfully taken down my iced coffee, and I'm ready to get my GRAMMYs chat on. I've been brewing on this post since Sunday and so if it's a little over the top, that's probably why. Sorry, I just really love the GRAMMYs.
The GRAMMYs opened with quite possibly one of the worst performances I've seen at an event since Ashlee Simpson got busted for lip syncing on SNL. T. Swizzle sang her
played out popular hit We're Never (ever) Getting Back Together and it was really, really horrible. Really. There was a bunny, some other characters I've chosen to block out of my mind, and some interesting costumes. Or something like that.
The entire time I couldn't help but to wish for the old, sobby Swifty with a banjo to grace the stage.
Also, her british accent tribute to most recent ex, Harry Styles, had me embarrassed for her.
Stick with the red carpet look, Swizzy. Mouth shut, pretty dress, mysterious look. That's your spot.
Adele still exists, if you were unaware. She showed up to the GRAMMYs this year wearing something that resembles a sofa my grandma had in the 70's and, as always, she gave zero shits to what anyone thought of it.
Not only have we not heard from her in a solid year, she somehow managed to actually take home yet another GRAMMY this year. She seemed as shocked as I was.
Adele also threw major shade at Chris 'douche lord' Brown after Frank Ocean beat him out for the category they were in competition for. This performance alone was worth the GRAMMY she won, in my opinion.
Keep doing what you do, girl. If I could take a year off and still win a GRAMMY, you bet your ass I would.
You go, Adele Coco.
Wiz Khalifa took the stage with some man named Miguel, who I've never heard of, and the duo looked like one of those optical illusion posters that was cool in the 90's. The performance was nothing worth remembering but I must say, Wiz (ard of Oz) was looking awfully blogger chic in his chevron suit.
All he's missing is a bubble necklace and a sock bun.
See also: I guess the "no boobs" memo that was sent to the celebs in GRAMMYs attendance didn't apply to moobs.
My teenage heart throbbed all over the place when a very dapper looking Justin
Biel Timberlake graced the stage in a very appropriately chosen suit and bowtie. If I told you I wasn't expecting JC, fancy Lancey, Joey, and Chris to drop from the ceiling via puppet strings, I'd be lying.
I really thought this was going to be the Nsync reunion to outshine last week's Destiny's Child reunion...
it was not.
Justin's lucky he still makes me weak in the knees.
Jay Z is not quite the boy band cameo I was praying for.
Side bar... JT has CeeLo Green hands a little bit, no?
Last, but certainly not least, I want to talk about Kelly Clarkson who had to have been drunk off her ass this year. Trust me, I know drunk and homegirl was on the road to slop-a-potamus. My guess is that she took full advantage of the top shelf open bar like a champ. Can't hate on her for that, I do the same thing at weddings.
I loved it, obviously. I had no idea she had it in her.
Next time, Kelly, select your outfits before you start boozing though. Trust me, this rule is Day Drinking 101.
Also, her drunk singing is still amazing and for that I feel a little jealous.
Oh, and this happened too... but I can't really talk about it because I blacked out from the sexy.
I'm talking about that man-dime on the left, not the right, just so we're being clear.