Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Whitney's What the? Wednesday

I yelled at a man mowing grass before 8am this morning, so if I'm slightly feisty today blame it on the man who interrupted my dog while she was trying to do her morning biznass.

For those of you who guessed that I hate scary movies yesterday, you're right. I prefer to pee pee in the potty, not in my pants. Thank you. As for the other two... well, find me in an old bar in Tallahassee and there's a good chance I'm at the jukebox searching for Journey or Eddie Money songs to drunkenly belt out. And my blankie... well, I don't really have anything to say for myself. I wrap it around my neck when I sleep and use it as a pillow. Call me weird, it's cool.


Alright, let's dish some celeb goods now.


It's been quite a month for our resident pretty boy, Biebz. Turns out a bunch of crazy dudes have been plotting to castrate and murder sweet little Beauty and a Beat. Don't worry Max, the psycho castrators were recently captured and taken to jail... complete with the creepy scarf they've been carrying around to use on our pop prince's man jibblets.
Hang in there, big guy. Whatever man jibblets Selena left you with are going to be safe and sound.
Be sure to send Canadian border patrol a nice fruit basket for that one.


Next let's have a quick chat about Eve. If you have no idea who Eve is, don't worry - I forgot she existed too. She's the one with the paw prints on her knockers. I think she used to rap but that's up in the air, I didn't really feel like putting the energy in to Googling what she used to do before she fell off the Earth. Especially since she's been bad mouthing my Queen of Pop, Brit Brit. She was recently quoted saying that B.Spizzle's part in Will.i.am's new song, Scream and Shout, isn't actually B.Spizzle singing.
My guess is, if you put it in blogging terms, her pageviews are low and she's stirring shit up to get them back up. 
Meanwhile, Brit Brit is packing her bags for Vegas and is all, "It's really Britney, Bitch.".


Apparently there was a crasher at the Grammy's who pulled off the crash of the century. His name is something I've yet to learn but for the purpose of this post we'll call him Vitamin Sudoku, because that's what I read when I saw his name. This guy managed to make his way in the Grammy's, sat in Adam Levine's seat, and even presented a Grammy to J.Lo on stage, all without obtaining any credentials to the event at all. Homie has skills.
There's old Vitamin Sudoku on the far left. J.Lo's leg is just as confused as everyone else is as to who he is. And maybe also a little bit confused as to what the eff Adele is actually wearing.
Unfortunately for event crashers everywhere who were inspired by this little stunt, Vitamin has been arrested for trespassing and has to go to court. Nice try though.


It's no secret around here that I am a loyal fan to my girl, Miley Cyrus. Whether she's just being Miley, or that British kid from Harry Potter, I stand behind her - holding her beautiful, long weave, slightly missing Hannah Montana. Just a little. If you follow her at all, even just a little, you may have caught on that homegirl has a new puppy every other week. Seriously, she must own a farm of dogs. Well, she posted this little nonchalant of her, her sweet little puppy, a keyboard small enough for the puppy to play, oh and some herbs that appear to have recently been grinded up.
Alright then... That's one hell of a photobomb, Mary Jane.


Lastly, a pregnancy announcement. It looks like Feralicious will be joining the pregnant mafia with Kate, Kimmy and J.Simps. If I wasn't already painfully jealous that she gets to lay on top of Josh Duhamel Tad Hamilton whenever she pleases, I'm super jealous now. Sigh.
And another one bites the dust.



Have you voted today? No sign up necessary and you can vote 50 times a day.
Pretty please with unicorn fairy dust on top??


52 comments:

  1. I love you for putting Eve drama in Blogland terms. Just love.

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  2. I love this and who knew that it was so easy to get in the Grammys. Seriously. And aren't there lots of peeps who are out there stirring up page views...

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  3. Pretty sure Vitamin Sudoku is the best nickname ever. Also, now I want to the listen to The Graduation Song. Thanks for that.

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  4. Oh Miley. What's going to be done with her?
    Also, I'd like to add that I like that you mentioned Tad Hamilton. Lol

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  5. Oh hayyyy sometimes when I read your "What the What" I'm all like Prez Hilton whooo?

    Poor little J. Biebs.
    Eve is and always will be a dissss-asterrrr.
    The Grammy Crasher also tried to kiss Will Smith one the mouth one time.. the Fresh Prince wasn't having none of that... he slapped him and Carlton danced away (ok I made that last part up but a girl can dream)
    Also I cant even hate on Ferg and J.D they are too cute... and their announcement presssssshh.

    Also I voted like on all my student computers... I'm just not a fan of the first place couple... something to do with the awkward picstich they got going on.

    the end.

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  6. Again.. you eff me with some celeb news I didn't even know about! Castrating the Beibz? I wonder if Max cried herself to sleep over this. People are nuts.. clearly.

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  7. First Manatee Potato and now Vitamin Sudoku...Whitney, you crack me up! I totally forgot that Eve existed too.

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  8. My heart just broke for Josh/Tad. He's too much sexy for Dr. Pepper Fergie and her unborn child. Such a sad day. And Miley? Girl get your weave put in and put your hash up- ain't nobody got time for dat.
    Voted (again)! Good luck!

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  9. Okay, Josh Duhamel will make the best dad, but I always imagined him being a dad to my children... Just. Not. Fair. Fergie is a lucky lady!!

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  10. I had no clue about the Biebz story! What the hellllll. And I cant believe Fergie and Josh are preggo! In his interviews for Save Haven they kept asking him when Fergie will be poppin out babies and he said someday. What a surprise!

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  11. "My guess is, if you put it in blogging terms, her pageviews are low and she's stirring shit up to get them back up." you are my favorite.

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  12. I will kill a bitch for messing with my Brit Brit. She is in a fragile mental space, EVE. Back up. Miley forever. That's just basil. Duh.

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  13. have biebs' balls even dropped yet?
    if so - i was completely unaware.

    and like maybe next year blogs can crash the grammys?

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  14. hahah! I love the Miley caption!! Cute puppy!!

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  15. I'm not entirely certain Selener didn't castrate the Biebs herself and he just kept it under the radar out of embarrassment. She's adorbs, but I'm pretty sure she's got cray lurking behind those eyes. Kinda like T.Swizz.

    And nobody better EVA (see what I did there?) go messin' with Britney Bitch! Like, ever. Whoa, this comment is so all interconnected and shit.

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  16. I need to figure out how to pull off this whole epic-crashers bit. I think a trespassing conviction might be worth the blog post... well... maybe.

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  17. I didn't even hear of the biebs news until this. That's just too hilarious.

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  18. How scary is that for Beiber?! I feel like people are getting freakin crazier and crazier. How did I not know about the Grammy crasher? This is amazing!

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  19. Josh Duhamel is waaay out of Fergie's league. I just don't get it. :(

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  20. You had better be referring to Kens. And I think you would enjoy the "Ken's Jukebox" CD my parents made for my dad's fraternity reunion weekend.

    I'm still mad that I didn't get a chance to win a date with Tad.

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  21. I'm just jealous you can actually see and mow grass where you are. I let the dog out this morning and it was -15. She didn't want to do her biz for two blocks.

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  22. Funny! I'm in awe of the Grammy's crasher. Hope there's an Oscar's crasher this Sunday for sure! Is Jessica Simpson going to have an 18 month pregnancy this time again? It seems like it's been at least 10 months already!

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  23. Personally I never thought Miss Fergalicious had enough game to win a date with Tad Hamilton, let enough snatch him up and take him off the market. Sigh... I feel your pain.

    Thanks for posting the darling pic of Miley. It seriously made my day!

    ♥ Talia
    http://rubytiaradiaries.blogspot.com

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  24. I feel so sorry for the Biebz and is there a white something or other in the Miley pic too? Maybe she got photobombed twice!

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  25. Leave Britney Alone - I WISH I could paste a picture of that hot mess on my comment!

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  26. Love catching up on celeb gossip with you on Wednesdays. ;) Y'all are too cute. I voted. It's funny cuz I hear the Djs talking about this on the radio all the time.

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  27. Being the president of @justinbiebers fan club, I worked very closely with the FBI (federal bieber of investigation) on this case. At first, Selener was our first suspect... little did we know, she didn't even remember who he was. We moved on to the real criminals -- chris brown, DMX, and eminem. Thankfully they're now behind bars, and our sweet JB is safe and sound smoking candy with lil twist.

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  28. I love your commentary on celebrity business. You're hysterical.

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  29. Good catch on Miley... sneaky sneaky! & I'm in the process of voting from my computer! Would be so awesome if y'all won!!!

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  30. Oh she's just being Miley....but so happy for Fergie!!!! Did they air the trespassing..I don't remember seeing it

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  31. "Nice photo bomb, Mary Jane."

    F'n hilarious.

    Gah, I love you.

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  32. Vitamin Sudoku will have me laughing next year at this time, I'm sure of it.

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  33. That's hilarious about Vitamin Sudoku! Smart guy, except now I guess he's regretting that decision!

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  34. Oh Eve, I forgot she existed too. Brit wins this argument just because she's Britney Spears and can get away with anything.

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  35. i love these posts.

    eve oh eve shut yo mouth, you're just jealous brit's doing her thing, when no one's heard of you since you did that song with gwen stefani. other than that you can catch her being a hater. and i honestly think her and brit brit used to be homegirls but i guess they had a falling out. who knows.

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  36. I forgot about Eve, oops. I just voted for you like 20 times, your fairy dust must work wonders. Perhaps you should sprinkle some of that shiz on Miley's photobomber. That could be a real good time.

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  37. But why is Vitamin Soduko forming a gun with his hands. I thought he was trying to do a puppet show on J.Lo and point to her cooter or something. That would've been epic.

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  38. Well, first off, I love all of this. But what jumps out at me is the "paw prints on her knockers" comment, because that's TOTES what I thought as soon as I saw her name. Duh, we're on the same wave length. And Vitamin Soduko...you kill me. Love it. And love you. Duh.

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  39. Lol that's hilarious about Eve, honestly I forgot all about her!! Great post!

    My online beauty store: http://beautybymissash.blogspot.ca/

    Personal blog: http://sincerelymissashley.blogspot.ca/

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  40. Love this! So glad you speak fluent sarcasm...and honesty. Vitamin Sudoku....teehee.

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  41. bahahahahahahaha


    that's all I can say!

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  42. well hmmmm...seems easy enough to get into the Grammy's - we should all try it.
    love your caption under the Miley picture - damn photobombs!

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  43. Okay ones of those crazy Bieber dudes has a tattoo of the Biebs on his leg. That's going to go over well in prison.

    Ramblings of a Suburban Mom

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  44. Totally didn't realize you live in Orlando! I'm moving there in a few months (:

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  45. I voted!!!! anddddd I literally LOL'd when you said Tad Hamilton bc I was thinking that before I even read it haha!

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  46. I've been voting! Also, I hadn't heard about the guy who crashed the grammy's! That is crazy!

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  47. Haha! This is so great! Reading this is better than any website or magazine!

    aleshadian.blogspot.com

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  48. Had no idea that Fergie was pregnant! Wonder what their child will look like...

    Hope you had a great weekend!

    -Sheree
    The Hartungs Blog
    thehartungs.blogspot.ca

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  49. and I thought I was the only one who refered to him Tad Hamilton LOL

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