Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Envy VS Jealousy

In life, we learn at a pretty young age that some days you come out on top, while other days you find yourself sitting at the bottom, wondering when you're going to catch a break. Those times when we find ourselves at the bottom are often the times when negativity comes knocking at our door, attempting to persuade us into being people we know damn right well we're better than. When we're little, we'd take the negativity persuaded upon us and lash out by pushing or shoving the person who had what we wanted. As we grow older, pushing people is generally unacceptable behavior in most cultures, and so we tend to turn to using our words instead. Well, we do unless you're on one of the Real Housewives shows or something, and then I'm pretty sure you do both.

The deeper I get into trying to succeed in my multitude of never ending side projects, my relationship, my friendships and, really, life in general, the more I find a solid line between the two different types of women out there. Just like when we were younger, there are the ones who shove you on the playground, because you have the toy they don't, and there are the ones who get excited for you and want to play alongside of you. The difference between the two is simple; one is envious and one is blatantly jealous, the latter being the true evil of the two.

Being human, I think it's normal for us to feel certain levels of envy towards others who are achieving things we've yet to reach and there's nothing wrong with those feelings as long as you keep them in check and hold them at a healthy level. That level, however, is one in the same with that solid line I mentioned above. When that line is crossed things become destructive and hurtful, words become nasty and spiteful, friendships become fake and misleading. We become that person we know damn right well we are better than.

Admittedly, there are a number of ladies I've come across that I'm envious of. Whether it be a product they've created, a brand they've built, a blog they've grown, a shop they've opened, or whatever else. I've sat behind my computer screen, hand on my head, thinking "damn, that's a great idea. Why didn't I think of that?!". I've even scrolled past these things and questioned my own future, my own relationship, my own side projects, but never once wishing failure upon whatever, or whoever, it is I'm looking at. I envy the success of so many strong and powerful women I've come across in the blogging community, and that's the honest truth. I mean, come on, there is so. much. talent. throughout this community. There is a lot to be envious of.

It's ok to be envious of the fitness blogger who has lost over 100 pounds, just as it's ok to be envious of the DIY blogger who ended up with a crazy successful Etsy shop. We don't have to hate one another because someone has found success in an area you've yet to conquer. Hell, if it was easy we'd all be doing it and there'd be nothing special about any of us but, the thing is, we are all doing something different and unique. We all want to achieve different goals and cross different boundaries, whether it be to have the best damn blog for your family across the country to keep up with, or Buzzfeed's next hired writer. And it doesn't matter how small or tall your desired victories are because we are all reaching for something, we are all trying to climb to that next step.

We all have to be bigger than that jealous kid who pushes people, for you have no idea how hard that person you're pushing has worked to get that toy.

On that note, I want to end this on a positive and uplifting note with a collaborative giveaway from a fellow blogger, turned Etsy store owner, and myself. Amanda from All Things Pretty went completely above and beyond and created a custom, one of a kind, gold foil print with this month's shirt design on it. To say I'm blown away with how amazing it turned out would be a vast understatement, so much so that I had her create two of them so I could hang one in my apartment. So, I guess, technically it's a two of a kind print. I hope that's still ok.


One IWYP Unicorn shirt and one gold unicorn foil print is up for grabs, winner takes all. I'm including a Rafflecopter to keep things organized. Don't judge me. You guys know the rest of the drill.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Image Map

52 comments:

  1. Thank you for writing this. It's comforting to know that these feelings are normal. I'm envious of so many bloggers and success stories out there and I sometimes lose focus of what my goals are! Keep on keepin on girlfran!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Whitney, this is a really beautiful post. It's so easy to become jealous of others' success, but I try to focus on the positive: talented people allow me to be a part of their success and, for this, I am grateful. I'm so proud of you and I'm blessed to be a part of your story. BIG HUGS!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think there's definitely a happy medium between envying a fellow blogger and allowing that to inspire you and pull from them, and just flat out disliking them, calling them a "sell-out" or saying, "you've changed" because they have more readers, or are inviting sponsors to their blog. I definitely agree with you on this one, Whitney. (And the print is SUPER adorbs)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh i love this!! You are SO right!

    ReplyDelete
  5. This has provided a lot of clarity for me as I often feel like a bad person or just low for having feelings that I wish I didn't. I so badly want to just be happy and know that my time will come one day too in its own delightful way but it is hard to watch everyone else succeed, as happy as I am for them at the same time! It's a horrible feeling and it makes you have a shadow over your head... Thank you x

    www.bohemianmuses.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think envy can push you forward. Jealousy... never good... ever. Bad juju.

    Great post!

    I want that print! I need some good life in my life!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Blown away by these words. We should aim to support each other, not hurt each other.

    ReplyDelete
  8. i've been shoved on the playground by people closest to me when i made some big decisions that were very happy for me. one person literally said "what about me? what am i supposed to do?" a lot of nasty vicious things were said to me and it was definitely jealousy, not envy. moral of the story; years later, i'm happy and they're still miserable. jealousy doesn't get you anywhere, hater.

    ReplyDelete
  9. 100% jealousy comes from not being happy with your life and what you have. One of my best friends was perpetually jealous of all the great things going on in her friends' lives without ever taking time to realize she could have/do those things if she really tried. I just remember telling her about trips I'd be taking and her exact words were - "I'm so jealous I can't even be happy for you" ... and she was serious. I mean, what the heck. Hilariously when she got engaged one of her other best friends said basically the same thing to her and she was so upset and I was like, yo, that is you and what you say to people.

    Anyways, I'm not really sure where I'm going with this post other than to say - right on and I can relate. haha.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Great post! I love seeing people in the blog community reach their goals and living their dreams. It encourages me to keep going for my own.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Fantastic post lady!! So often women in general just tear each other down- it really would make so much more sense if we all just supported each other! If only it were that easy!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think it's much more productive and good for us to be supportive not that jealous kid pushing on the playground. There's always going to be someone who got there first or does something better than you. It's much better to be supportive and keep working on ourselves and our goals. Maybe we can even learn something from that person.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Love this! I had a period of time where I thought I would be instantly successful because look at all the other successful people blogging/etsy shop owning. Then I had to reign it in and realize there's a ton of hard work behind every single success story. You're an inspiration. Keep up the keeping it all real and your hard work.

    ReplyDelete
  14. It is crazy how some people let jealousy take over and rule their life!!! I was thinking about all of this on the way to work today after one of our fellow blogger friends was down about stuff said about her on GOMI. I fully believe that all the hate spewed on the site is out of pure jealousy too!

    PS - I think your shirt business is awesome and I am so happy for you and I hope that you continue to have fun and success with it!!! Because I like for things like that to inspire me to want to do more with my life....not hate on it :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Im scared that if I win, Ill wear this damn shirt every day! So freakin cute.

    ReplyDelete
  16. This is really really good. I think I used to get jealous, especially when I was younger, but now, I realize that if I want something, it's time to GO FOR IT instead of not wishing the best for them. Great post, and great reminder not to be jealous and to work a little harder for what it is that you want!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Another great post, girl! &, again, I'm in total agreement with you! :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. It's sad that there are people like that out there and it's even worse when a good friend turns out to be that person. Jealousy really is a monster.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Such a huge difference between envy and jealousy! Seeing other people accomplish their goals only makes me want to try that much harder to make sure mine happen! It can really be a great motivator without resenting the success of someone else! That's never okay.

    ReplyDelete
  20. It's so easy to get envious of others, but when someone takes that envy and dwells on it until it turns bitter, ugly things happen. Great post, Whit! I can't wait to share it with everyone :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm really glad you wrote this post. I recently had to deal with some negativity pointed towards me because of my online shop and it can be very hard to deal with. It's so easy for someone to sit behind a computer screen and write negative, hurtful things because they know they'll never really have to own up to it. I feel like we should encourage one another. I think the t-shirt business that you have started is inspiring and I can't wait to see where it goes. I wish you all the luck and success!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Man, I am so happy for you. I would like you to create all the things you want and then I will put them in my closet.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I did a post on this a little while back, too. I experienced a "best friend" who was always jealous of her other friends in relationships. If they got to a milestone before her and her boyfriend, she would be totally jealous rather than happy for them. Once I moved in with my, then, boyfriend, she turned into a complete B. Best friend to never speaking again in 3 seconds flat. She now surrounds herself with other girls who aren't engaged or are single and that's just sad to limit your friendships because you're not happy in the relationship that you're in. Oh well. So much better off without that negativity in my life!

    ReplyDelete
  24. You know, you're pretty smart.. but I knew that already!

    ReplyDelete
  25. You are one smart cookie Whitty. Damn. Now I want a cookie.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I did a post too about "The Green Eyed Monster." Sometimes it is hard not to be envious of others, since we see what they have and want it. Most of the time, we see their success and not their struggles. Other times, we haven't worked for success or "paid our dues." I hate seeing "successful" people getting negativity and getting knocked down. I try to use being envious as motivation, so I can accomplish things.

    Great post!

    ReplyDelete
  27. This resonates with me so much right now. It's hard not to be envious when so many people are doing so many amazing things, and I just have this itch to do it all, too! Even if it's impossible to do absolutely everything ;)

    Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I thought the VS in your post title stood for Victoria's Secret and I read all the way through confused as to why you didn't mention it....oops. But I get it now! And it's a really good message that everyone needs to be reminded of!

    ReplyDelete
  29. It is so hard to not feel envious or jealous of all the talent out there! And as long as you don't cross this imaginary line, I think the envy/jealously can be a good thing. It pushes us to work harder and to set new goals. One of the things I struggle with is making sure I'm setting new goals and working harder for the right reasons and not just because I want to be better than so and so or be the best. For what its worth, I think you've stayed well on the right side of the line, at least when it comes to what you put out there publicly.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Very well said! I think envy is a completely healthy feeling. It gives you something to aim for. Being jealous just breeds negativity.

    ReplyDelete
  31. It is always such a shame to see people take someone's success and made it negative. Jealousy is an awful thing. We should be proud and support one another. Thank you for putting those thoughts out there, it really needed to be said.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I try to not ever let the word jealous even come out of my mouth because it really has such a negative connotation for me. I am truly happy for others when they succeed because Lord knows how hard it is to come out on top with all the pressure and stress of life. I try to use it as motivation to strive to work harder :-)
    ~Amanda~ Meet @ the Barre

    ReplyDelete
  33. Love love love the gold foil print! <3

    ReplyDelete
  34. Love this post! I think it’s easy to get caught up in jealousy mostly when you’re not satisfied with yourself. Jealousy comes from a place of “I’m not good enough,” when really we are all special flowers! Everyone’s talents are different, and all are wonderful and fabulous and now I’m going to be done talking because my hippie liberal arts schooling is showing.

    ReplyDelete
  35. You are knockin it out of the park with your posts lately. This one makes me want to throw punches in the air screaming "yeah!!" :) Your comparison of a kid pushing another down because they have the toy you want is so true and so sad that this happens as adults. Yes, there are brilliant people with oodles of talent, and of course I often think, man what a great idea, why didn't I think of that?! But it just inspires me more because I know I have that in me, too. We all have different gifts and talents, but some don't realize it or think so lowly of themselves that they don't work on it. I think jealousy comes from a low self esteem, and I wish when faced with jealousy we as people would recognize our worth rather than get so discouraged and hateful towards those that have what we want. There is room for all of us to pursue our gifts, talents and passions and I want to surround myself with people achieving great things not hate on them! You rock, girl!
    Eva Marie Taylor

    ReplyDelete
  36. This is so important to remember, especially for bloggers. It's so easy to get caught up in the "race" when we should be cheering each other on. :)

    ReplyDelete
  37. I love this. Great reminder with your unicorn shirt! Everyone can have a "good life" doing life their own way!

    ReplyDelete
  38. I'm sitting here thinking, "Do you realize you are one of those bloggers to be envied?" You are awesome, Whitney! Truly!

    ReplyDelete
  39. If we all lifted each other up and helped each other out, imagine how much further we'd ALL go! :)

    ReplyDelete
  40. Such a great perspective, envy drives us forward and jealousy only brings us down. Have a great day!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Fabulous post! I often find that those jealous kids who are pushing people on the playground, are actually hiding incredible insecurities and self-doubt.

    ReplyDelete
  42. It's so important to me to support my fellow blog friends (which is why I creepily instagrammed your shirt HI). Because you know someday I might be doing cool shiz and I want that support, too!

    ReplyDelete
  43. I love this shirt!!! I just love Unicorns!! The print is awesome also!! LOVE IT! Did I tell you that I love it? I don't think you heard me I love it!! lol

    ReplyDelete
  44. This is a great post, Whit! You definitely hit the nail on the head with the girls who are envious vs. jealous and I'm ashamed to say that I have been in both places before. Comparison is an ugly ugly animal.

    ReplyDelete
  45. This is one of the most well-written posts I've read of yours - and I think you are a bomb ass writer! This was so on point and written with so much grace. You are right, there is a fine line that separates jealousy and envy. And the former can be so cruel and ugly. The one thing that I always tell myself when I get caught up in comparisons or feeling down that I haven't accomplished something that another woman has is - don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle. We all have different goals we want to accomplish - rather than being jealous of others' successes, why are we not congratulating them and using their story as motivation for us to continue to pursue our own dreams? You're right - we have no idea the amount of work someone may have put in to accomplish the thing we are jealous or envious of. But that woman does not deserve a slap in the face for her hard work, she deserves to be flattered and congratulated because her hard work paid off. She had the will and strength to pursue her dreams. Shouldn't we all take note and search within ourselves for that same strength and will? We should all be so lucky to achieve our goals, but that drive has to come from within, not by comparing ourselves to others. And certainly not by putting others, who have achieved their goals, down. Loved this post and love you! You are doing amazing work with your blog and your #iwyp tees. Do not let anyone steal your spotlight or tell you different!

    ReplyDelete
  46. This is such a valid analysis! I think at the end of the day, there are two kinds of people. There are those who view others' success as a threat and make it their prerogative (took me a million seconds to figure out how to spell that word) to bring them down. Then, there are those who view others' success as inspiration and motivation, and they use it as a starting to point to push themselves in reaching that level. Wouldn't we all be in such a better place if we aimed to be the second type of person?

    ReplyDelete
  47. There is nothing unique about everyone doing the same thing.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Jealousy manifests itself in an ugly way especially among women. It's sad that there are people who celebrate failure in others. I've encountered both types at work and I notice that the people who do this tend to be the one's who take a "I'm a victim" approach and don't do something to change their situation.

    ReplyDelete
  49. I think this is such a great post! Most days I am so jealous of the "big blogs" and want mine to grow just like theirs has.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Ugh I wish this post didn't even have to exist. I get being jealous of people you don't know, like Adam Levine's fiance. I'm 100% jealous of her and I don't care who knows it. But not with friends. The feelings may come up once in a while, but you're right in that it's more just envy because you're still insanely happy for whatever your friend is accomplishing. It's sad when it turns to the dark side. You certainly find out who your friends are, though, so I guess there's one small positive to the shit hitting the proverbial fan.

    ReplyDelete