Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Hello Denver

Oh hey there, I made it to my blog today and I'll call that a victory even though I haven't finished typing out this first sentence. Real talk for just a second, you wouldn't have wanted me here yesterday. I decided somewhere during my morning shower, around when I squeezed conditioner in my hands and then applied it to my face, that yesterday just wasn't going to be the one. And that's ok because Mondays are usually never the one, unless you're talking about the one pain in the ass - then we're talking about the right the one. Holy rambling already. Sorry.

Ok, so if you don't follow me on Instagram (rude) you probably have no idea that I spent Thursday through Sunday gallivanting through (and falling in love with) the beautiful State of Colorado. Quite honestly, I had no idea what to expect upon my arrival, mostly because the only things that come to mind when I think "Colorado" are freezing temperatures, mountains, and people who like to get... er... happy. Quickly I came to find that there was a lot to love about the good ol' colorful state, especially the city of Denver. (Close second goes to Golden... because howdy folks)
After roughly 3 and a half hours in the air I arrived at the Denver airport bright and early, ready to explore this new place bear now calls home. Much to my excitement I was given the VIP treatment and was greeted directly off the plane, at my gate, by no other than one of the longest blog friends I have. You may, or may not, know her as Sami from Sami's Shenanigans and she is quite possibly one of the best gems I could have ever found through this blog.
Once again, like my other two blog-long buds turned real-life buds, meeting Sami for the first time "in real life" wasn't weird, or awkward, or any other strange feeling you'd imagine meeting someone face-to-face for the first time would be. Honestly speaking, I feel like I made a best friend on this trip, she went above and beyond to not only show me around but to also show bear around, who has only been in Denver for 7 weeks (who's counting?) and hasn't really gotten the chance to get out and around yet. Blog friends, they're not overrated. Not even a little bit. Especially ones who take you straight to a brewery upon your arrival. Point, Sami.
When we got to the first brewery on my trip, a familiar face made an appearance to join us... BEAR! To say I was happy/excited/overwhelmed/full of joy would be an understatement. 7 weeks isn't a lifetime but, dammit, it felt so good to see that man in the flesh.

After a nice, long, delicious lunch, accompanied by some really great craft beers, we did a little bit of exploring around the area of downtown we were in and then headed back to bear's apartment so I could get out of my gross feeling travel attire and also so I could get some work done for my boss (insert angry grumble-grunt sound here).
Friday, bear and I decided to go wander off on our own and do some more exploring of Downtown Denver, which I absolutely LOVED. I got to see the gorgeous place he's working, some really great little hang out spots, and SO many restaurants I definitely need to try on my next visits. We had lunch in a great little place called The Corner Office, which offered us a special called the "PB&J" - a PBR draft and a shot of Jameson for $5, along with really great food. Once we stuffed ourselves full we found ourselves a dart and pool bar (real original, I know) and sat down while a quick storm passed through.

Also note that Colorado rain is, in fact, A LOT colder than our luke warm rain here in Florida.
Saturday... Oh, Saturday. Saturday was complete magic. Sami took us to the Red Rocks Amphitheater and it blew my mind to the eleventy billionth degree. I will be seeing a show there before I croak so write that down on the bucket list I've never made and put a stamp of authenticity on top. Also please note all of the super fit and motivated people just getting their fitness on in the middle of a mountain. Even though I had no desire to be fit and stuff with them, I totally applauded them for choosing such a fantastic venue to make me feel like a complete lazy ass. Seriously speaking, though, Red Rocks is unbelievable and pictures don't do it a bit of justice even though I'm about to drop fiftyteen on you.
Next up was a trip to Golden to go on the Coors Brewery tour, except the wait just to get on the bus was over an hour and, well, ain't nobody got time for that. So, it was off to a different brewery, one that we would come to repeat the name of over and over, and over, for the remainder of the day. Mountain Toad Brewery. It's so fun to say and they had some really great brews to boot; we started with a flight to figure out who liked what.
After Mountain Toad we did a little more walking around Golden to find a deli everyone had been raving about, D'Deli for those inquiring, and they raved for all good reasons. Holy best sandwich I've ever had. Ever. On our way to D'Deli we passed by, what appeared to be, the most fun river of life. People were tubing down it, there were real life natural (small) rapids, and this Florida chick was beyond intrigued and impressed. Feel free to add floating down that river to my unwritten bucket list because it looked like a great time. Plus, that view. THAT VIEW!
Once we left D'Deli we headed to another brewery and that's when all three of us faded fast, one beer each and we were all ready for a siesta. And siesta bear and I did... pretty much the entire rest of the night, minus the hourish we spent stuffing our faces with pizza and garlic knots. And that's around when I realized we've turned into an old couple, which is fine because it was definitely one of my favorite nights I spent in Denver. Just the two of us, a movie, and eating pizza on a couch. Yep, toss in a pair of orthopedic shoes and the lingering smell of Tiger Balm and we're on our way to Bingo Fridays and pool aerobics Sundays.

On Sunday I managed to contain my tears through brunch with bear and his roommate and for a good damn reason because when I ordered a $5 mimosa I was served this bad boy and I knew Denver was really trying to make me feel better about having to leave later in the day.

Pretty much the rest of my Sunday in Denver was spent sobbing on bear's shoulder like the ginormous baby that I am, and also a little more day drinking because if I was going to have to be sad and on an airplane I wasn't going to do it without some bubbles in my belly.

Overall, it was truly a wonderful trip and I'm so happy I got to see a different side of the country, for a change. Also I'm in love with mountains and I'm pretty sure if Sami had to hear me talking about them for much longer she was going to rip my vocal chords out. And I wont even go into how many pictures of mountains that now reside on my phone. Sorry I'm not sorry, those things are ginormous and awesome and glorious.

Until next time, Denver. You were truly magical!

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Friday, August 15, 2014

What Song Are You?

Hello everyone!  Some of you know me as the crazy Astrology lady aka Simply Sun Signs writer that read Whitney's birth cart a while back (I can read yours too), some of you have seen pictures of me sporadically throughout Whitney's blog day drinking, or getting matching Astrology riblette tattoos, and some of you have absolutely no clue who the hell I am at all.  Well, allow me to re-introduce myself, my name is hov. H to the O-V. I used to move snowflakes by the O-Z, but most people just call me Desiree; Whitney's real life friend, partner in crime, and is lovingly know by her as "the S.A." (Spirit Animal).  We even have a friend contract to prove that we are friends (picture below).  It's an extremely legitimate document written on a Buffalo Wild Wings napkin, covered in chicken wing grease, hot sauce, and beer, and even was notarized by someone that's not a notary.  BOOM.

Now that you know I'm legitimate, let's get down to business.  Sir is helping me write my guest post today while her mom is gallivanting around Colorado with the Bear.  Sir had the excellent idea of doing a #BackThatAzzUp song for your Sun Sign.  She is a genius I tell you. It's really not Whitney that is the brains behind IWYP, it's Sir.  Just thought I would let everyone know the truth.

Crazy Possessive by Kaci Battaglia 
You bitches are crazy, especially when it comes to your man.  I would prefer not to get a stick of dynamite thrown at me anytime soon, so I will be staying far away.  These firecracker's tempers go from zero to 100 in the blink of an eye.  Ooh, Aries has got your crazy.

It's Gonna be May Me by *NSync
You are probably wondering why I picked this song for Taurus.  Well, because if their birthdays aren't at the end of April, then it's gonna be MAY.  I still laugh every time I see this meme, so I had to throw this one in the mix.  Not to mention it's a classic.

Butterfly by Crazy Town
These fairies are all over the place.  They are correlated with the butterfly, because they can't sit in one spot for more than two seconds their head exploding if they had to.  Plus they're such a sexy, sexy, pretty little thing.

Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler
Cancers are my cry baby wah wahs of the Zodiac who are falling apart all the time.  They are clingy and emotional, as well as completely hilarious.  This is my favorite song to sing when I'm doing drunk karaoke which is also completely hilarious.  Plus, you can't have an eclipse without the Moon.  Perfect.

Bow Down Bitches by Beyonce
These royal bitches are the Queens of the jungle.  They pretty much expect you to bow down whenever they say so.  Just do it so they shut up.  It's easier that way. 

We Can't Stop by Miley Cyrus
Yes, her highness Leo gets two songs.  Do you think Queen Leo Whitney would have let me picked anything other than Miley?  Ya right.

Like a Virgin by Madonna
My analytical nit-picky Virgos have probably already found at least 5 grammatical errors in my post so far.  Stop looking for mistakes, and go clean something.  Does this song choice really need an explanation?

Candy by Mandy Moore
Libras are just all sorts of sugary pink fluffy sweetness.  Their indecisiveness makes you want to jump off a bridge, but they make up for it with their good looks and charm.  I date one... I know.  

Poison by Bell Biv DeVoe
Stay as far far away from these ones, they really are poison.  "You'll think she's the best thing in the world.  She'll drive you right out of your mind." - TRUTH.  I'm a Scorpio, so I know these things.  I still don't know how I have friends sometimes.  Like the song says, "Never trust a big butt and smile." - Wait what?

Party All the Time by Eddie Murphy
 When the hell was Eddie Murphy a singer?  Am I the only one that didn't know he sang this, or any song for that matter?  Anyways...  Sags have a symptom one likes to call, "diarrhea of the mouth."  They just don't know when to shut up, which makes me love them even more.  Pure entertainment. They are wild ones for sure, and they love to have a good time.  They be partying ALL the time.

Cold as Ice by Foreigner
No, I did not forget to give to give your Sun Sign name a color, because you are too cool for color.  Negative Nancy doesn't want any crap from you, because she's too busy workin'.   Ain't nobody got time, especially a Cappy.

I'm Blue by Eiffel 65 
Aquarians are so weird and quirky, yet they always have a million friends.  That's why I picked this song.  This song is so wacky, and for some reason everyone loves it.  Plus Aquarians are aliens, and this is an alien song.  Boom.

Waterfalls by TLC
Pisces are always chasing their dreams right down waterfalls.  Don't you know that fish shouldn't go anywhere near waterfalls?  Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.  Duh.

It's Back That Azz Up Friday!

The purpose: To start our weekend with some fantastic jams.
The station that inspired it: "Back That Azz Up" on Pandora Radio.
The rules: Link your jams up and have a jam sesh with all of us!

Click here for a tutorial on how to embed a song in your post.

Happy Friday!
Grab a button, pick your jam, link up and let's get this weekend started off on the right foot!
I wore yoga pants

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Thursday, August 14, 2014

Talkin' About Jewels (and maybe giving some away)

I'm really weird when it comes to jewelry and by that I mean that my skin is really weird and doesn't allow me to hop aboard all of the awesome costume jewelry trains that roll by. If it's not a precious metal, my skin almost instantly rejects the piece and I'm left with a pretty embarrassing and horribly unpleasant red, bumpy mark. My mom always said this little quirk is a blessing in disguise because it means any guys I date have to buy me the real stuff or they'll get caught as soon as whatever it is they bought me is on my body for longer than a couple hours. When I think of it that way, I suppose she may be on to something. Us sensitive skin people have built-in cheap gift detectors.

Recently I was given the opportunity to partner up with a company called Gemvara, who specializes in beautiful custom jewelry handcrafted in NYC, and the best part (aside from how many options you get) is that you get the option to customize your specialty piece with 9 different precious metals and over 20 precious gemstones. Seriously, browsing through their super user friendly site and customizing my dream jewelry box was way too fun and addicting. What's also pretty neat is that when you hear "custom" you probably think "takes a long time", or at least that's what pops into my head, but Gemvara's magical artisans deliver your custom piece within two weeks. They also offer free shipping (hello the only way to get me to order from an online shop) and 101-day returns.
These pieces I got from Gemvara were such great quality and they didn't upset my sensitive skin, which is always a positive thing. Especially the necklace because sometimes, even if the pendant is high quality, the chain will still cause a bad reaction on my neck and this necklace didn't. Hallelujah! Be sure to check out Gemvara's awesome site and if you place an order through this link within the next 72 hours you'll receive 15% off your custom piece (discount applies automatically... no code needed).

And now I'll leave you with a collage of some additional Gemvara pieces I've got my eye on - rose gold because I've really been feeling it lately. Perhaps that's Fall knocking on my door?

Annnnnnd, because the people of Gemvara are so generous, they are offering one of my very lucky readers a chance to win $500 to shop with them! To enter follow these steps:
- Visit this link and enter your email.
- Make yourself cozy with their site and find the piece you have to have.
- Comment on this post and tell me which piece you love.

Good luck!

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Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Distance Makes The Heart Grow Crazy

They say "distance makes the heart grow fonder".

Well, with all due respect to whoever "they" is (which I'm sure I could find via a quick Google search but for the purpose of this post let's just pretend we have no way of knowing who "they" is) but I have reason to believe that "they" might have been a little like me after a few glasses of wine and forgot to finish their sentence. Or maybe they were talking about their heart's feelings towards a food item or a special product. Either way, I'm here today to overanalyze this saying because I've come to realize that there's a time and place for this saying and there's also a time and place where this saying needs a little adjusting, if you will.

For instance, distance makes the heart grow fonder:

- When you've been away from Black Bean Deli and you haven't gotten your Media Noche fix in over 3 days. Also an Orangina, please.

- When you've been on antibiotics and couldn't have any Chardonnay for a week.

- When your dog has been at the groomer all day.

- When you haven't gotten paid in a few weeks and forget what it's like to have money in your bank account.

- When you have company over and your apartment begins to resemble a crime scene... that sparkling clean apartment feel, you really begin to miss it.

- When you go visit a non-Publix friendly place.

- When you haven't gotten your roots touched up in a while and you begin to rock an unintentional ombre.

- When your nail polish is chipped.

Now, those are all perfect examples of ways distance does, in fact, make your heart grow fonder. It's to my (completely fabricated) knowledge that this saying wasn't meant for delicious foods, fresh manicures and roots, or our furry friends. No, this saying is meant to make people who are away from their lover-friends for an extended amount of time feel better about how much being away from their lover-friends actually sucks. Realistically speaking, the saying does look great when printed on top of a lovely field of flowers, with just the perfect sunlight shining through, in a pretty white font. Other than aesthetic purposes, however, I feel that when relating it to being away from your lover-friend it should read "distance makes the heart grow crazy after a week".

I put the "a week" thing in there because it's possible that "they" really meant that their lover-friend was going out of town on business for a week and if that's the case, I get it. A week gives you just enough time to comfortably miss them, forget about the times when they make you want to pull your hair out, and for the excitement of having the whole bed to yourself to fade. Anything passed a week though, it's enough to make your heart crazy. Or maybe that's just me.

For instance, distance makes the heart grow crazy after a week:

- Because you start to make up ridiculous scenarios in your head.

- Because you have a really bad day and your lover-friend isn't close enough to come help make it better. (or bring you ice cream and wine and tell you you're pretty)

- Because everything begins to remind you of your lover-friend and even grocery shopping can trigger a good sob fest.

- Because you become ludicrously sensitive and if they don't text you back within a 5 minute span of time you convince yourself they hate you.

- Because you find yourself getting lost in a photo and when you come out on the other end of the tunnel you find you've got a strange, almost creepy, grin on your face.

- Because when one of your friends has relationship problems you decide that means it's time to panic and self destruct your own... you know, if they're having issues obviously it means it's going to happen to you eventually, too.

- Because you begin to wonder things like, "it's 20 fucking 14, why hasn't anyone invented a way to pull people through computer screens?!".

But then the number on the countdown app dwindles down to numbers you only need one hand to count on and suddenly you start to forget all of the other stuff and focus on finally seeing your lover-friend in the flesh again. 

Oh distance, you're one tricky bastard. 

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