Well hey there, party peoples!
I'm back from Seattle, also known as the trip I spent more time in the air than in the actual town I flew to. If you didn't know, I was there shooting a wedding for two people I have known since we were knee high to a curb. It was a beautiful wedding but considering I left my hotel at 2:30AM yesterday and didn't return to Florida soil until 8:30PM - I can barely remember my own name right now.
With that said, I want to talk about airports and flying.
When I wasn't doing this -
(Which, lezbihonest, was 9 out of my 10 hours of flight time.)
I was doing my favorite physical activity aside from beer pong and flip cup.
Also known as people watching.
Flying is quite possibly the greatest form of birth control besides attending a small child's birthday party.
I swear over the course of the 20-something hours I spent in 4 different airports this weekend I saw more child leashes than I've seen at Disney during Christmas time and I've heard more screams than opening night of the Blair Witch Project.
Color me informed - parenthood is no walk in the park.
Though I'm not sure that the one child I crossed paths with that I actually enjoyed will agree. She became my favorite somewhere during a conversation with her bigger brother while she explained that when she grew up she wanted to be a princess and a mom. Homegirl was my kind of peeps, I could tell.
Once I got over the initial shell shock of being in a sea of whining, screaming small people, I settled in my small airplane seat where I was forced to shove my partially broken earbuds in my ears to avoid casual conversation with the seemingly lonely business man sitting next to me.
At least I managed to score a couple of free diet cokes and a bag of stale pretzels.
Killing time on a 5 hour flight can also cause for extreme boredom.
If you've never picked up an issue of SkyMall from your conveniently placed seat pocket you are missing out on some of the world's most insignificant and unnecessary items to purchase ever.
I would personally get serious entertainment if I saw someone lugging this through airport security.
Do you run this thing through the x-ray machine or what?
Leg and thigh massage, anyone?
Thanks to SkyMall you no longer need a significant other. Just strap on these ever so flattering boots and thigh cuffs and prepare to have your world rocked.
Want to teach your cat how to use your toilet? Who doesn't?!
Litter Kwitter... What could go wrong?
Have you ever tried to put shoes on your cat or dog?
No, just me? Well, I can tell you one thing for certain... They won't stand there like this for you.
I once put Ella in a pair of socks and she walked around like each paw was stuck in gum.
Just because they chose the name "Butch".
Really though, whoever has the job of selecting the products SkyMall carries must have one hell of a creative thought process.
And that's all I've got for you today, friends.
If anyone has an IV of RedBull, feel free to send it my way.