I was in a deep, deep slumber when I woke up completely disoriented.
Why am I at my parents' house? Why is there so much light coming through the window?
I look at my phone, "SHIT! It's 11:14 in the afternoon. I'm SO late for work.".
I had 6 missed calls from my boss and I couldn't get my phone to call him back.
I struggle to get ready for work, feeling so sluggish.
Finally, I arrive to work and I am so late. My boss is seriously pissed off.
To make matters worse, I feel practically paralyzed. For some reason I can't seem to perform any of my normal work tasks correctly.
WHAT is going on?
Oh, it was just a dream. Now I'm actually awake.
What time is it?
Oh, 3am. How convenient.
I feel a kick to my left, Ella is sleeping like a real, human baby.
Lucky little bitch.
I guess I'll go get some water, maybe turn on the tv.
Looky here, MTV does play music videos still. It just happens to be when only the sleep impaired are around to view them.
Good thing I'm the farthest from interested in dropping it like it's hot at 3am.
To Disney Channel I go.
I wonder if The Daily Tay Tay has found any good job leads yet?
I really feel bad about her job sitch. I hope she finds a new, better one soon.
Also, she's right. Who in the hell are these kids on Instagram with thousands of "likes"?
Why can I be an Instaceleb?
Don't forget to bring that client check to the bank tomorrow.
And those discs you should have mailed out yesterday.
Should I pay rent already? No, that's dumb. I still have like 20 days.
Where is my cable bill?
What am I going to wear this weekend to Amanda's graduation party?
I can't wait to wear my new weave.
Jake Owen is drunk tweeting. This is awesome.
He just said "Shammbooozled"... Damn, I want to party with Jake.
My Brookie is such a lucky ho.
Melatonin sucks. Why am I awake 5 hours after I took that shit?
Really though, why am I wide awake right now?
What am I going to write about tomorrow?
I could use this topic but I think I need more time to let it marinate.
Or maybe this... nah, it's too soon for that one.
I'm going to be too delirious to make much sense of anything tomorrow.
Mmmm... coffee is going to be so good tomorrow.
This day is brought to you by a lot of coffee and hooker red nails.
Why are you so beautiful? Seriously. And are you wearing a tank top? Because I hate you. (Not really, I love you.) And then you blogged about Jake and I knew that our love runs deep.
ReplyDeleteYou make my morning look like a cakewalk. I'm jonesing for both strong coffee and days of sleep right now ~ my body can't decide.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh. I love your thought process at 3 AM. I'm seriously laying in bed cracking up right now. Please be an insomniac more often. Thank you. :)
ReplyDeleteGlad I'm not the only one who was awake!!
ReplyDeleteAmen. That is all just A-FREAKING-MEN.
ReplyDeleteThank God it was just a dream! Don't you hate that? Sometimes dreams are so real, and then there are times where it's so weird because I know I'm sleeping and all I have to do is wake up!
ReplyDeleteLove The Daily Tay. One of my favorite daily blog reads! She's so fun.
Xo-L
simplylowcountry.blogspot.com
ugh. this is so me, except i wake up with low blood sugar, and then i have to pee, so i sit on the toilet waiting for my blood sugar to slowly come back up. tmi? and then i start thinking about blogging, christmas shopping, decorating, coffee .......... on and on.
ReplyDeleteI just want to take this opportunity to point out that The Suite Life was my show. I freaking loved Ashley Tisdale.
ReplyDeleteBut, it's a coffee for days kind of week, and them nails be looking extra hooker-ific! ;)
I fucking love this post...excuse my language but that's just how much I loved it!
ReplyDeleteam telling you, this is my second night to not sleep. I woke up at 3am as well. I played a game on my phone for 2 hours just sitting there wondering when I would fall back asleep. And i didn't. And I have no idea why but we are the same page. and it sucks.
ReplyDeletehahahaha. Hilarious! :) Girl, I was just getting to bed at 3am - we should of texted!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is all sorts of hilarious. I have had these kinds of nights. They suck. But at least you turned it into something good. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, and your red nails comment made me laugh because just the other night, I tweeted that every time I paint my nails red, I remember a former coworker who told me only whores paint their nails red. Ooops.
Loves your hooker red nails and Jake sounds like my kinda guy... I was totally "shamboozled" last night! holla
ReplyDeleteLove the hooker red nails..........
ReplyDeleteYou my little lover dover are simply ridiculous and I love every second of it. What you should have said is hooker tank top.. it's snowing put some clothes on. Oh wait, that's just me in Colorado with the snow. Damnit.
ReplyDeletedreams like that are the worst! the ones that could happen in real life... i had a dream the other night that my mom was pregnant and my boyfriend, justin bieber, yelled at me for driving an old gross rusty 90-something hatchback civic because that's the car that HE wanted... ???? wtf? i don't even LIKE the biebs and my mom doesn't even have a uterus anymore. weird? yes. comical? yes. do i want it to happen again? no.
ReplyDeletecheers!
This made me laugh! Jake's tweets are seriously the best - drunk ones especially!
ReplyDeleteLove Jake Owen even more. Why am I not following him on Twitter? Off I go...
ReplyDeleteI hate those dreams that seem so real! I'm going through finals right now, and I have constant dreams/nightmares in the middle of the night that I missed my exam! It's such horrible feeling!
ReplyDeletethehartungs.blogspot.ca
Love this post! I can totally relate!
ReplyDeleteSeriously love me some Suite Life! :P:P
ReplyDeleteI swear I wake up at 3am all the time... usually because my dogs stole my pillow. Ugh. HAHA :)
ReplyDeleteMmmm Dunkin iced coffee and hooker red nails? Looks like perfection to me!
ReplyDelete...3 am is my wake up time too and it always freaks me out bc its supposedly "the witching hour" and so I sit there and dont do anything until four am....also...melatonin is the hormone in you that tells your body you are tired, so it doesn't keep you asleep...like nyquil or benedryl would...i wake up constantly on it. =/
ReplyDeleteHahaha I love it. And the really weird part is I woke up at 3 am as well! At my parents no less. Although I remember getting here. And my job sitch... I'm gonna start looking today. Or tomorrow. Or Jan 1. And I appreciate you feeling bad for me, I feel bad for me too.
ReplyDeleteSOOOO glad I found you via the link up!! your HILARIOUS! luv the hooker nails!
ReplyDeletecome say hi, adayinthelifeofmektt.blogspot.com
Im actually bummed about MTV not playing as much music videos as they used to! Now its all about who is gonna become famous by getting pregnant at 16, LOL!!
ReplyDeleteI am always telling people that if my dreams were made into movies, I seriously think they would win a abundance of awards, they are so weird!
--Gabrielle
Yesterday I wore a tank top and today it's 50 degrees out.
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell is up with this weather in AZ?!
P.S. hooker red nails happen to be my fave. CHEERS!
I LOVE that I'm not the only one that wakes up in the middle of the night for no good reason. I even self medicated last night. Like WTF. Aaaaaand there's Boomer just sleepin like a log. No fair I tell you. And then she wakes up at 630am every morning all happy and shiz. Ok....and the tank top. Not cool homie. Not cool.
ReplyDeleteI have been seeing 3 a.m. all too often these days! Love your nails!
ReplyDeleteLOL that's just as bad as waking up 5 minutes before the alarm. Can't go back to sleep and don't want to get up. Somehow I always manage to find something interesting on when insomniac mode kicks in so then I can't go back to sleep and end up being a zombie later. Love the hooker red nails.
ReplyDeleteHooker red nails make everything better.
ReplyDeleteTry nyquil's new stuff for sleeping nextime, it's called Zzzquil and it's amazeballs.
This sounds like me! I was up until 1:00am editing, and when I finally went to be I was only asleep for about 2 hours before I woke up and just laid there trying to convince myself that I was asleep. Insomnia is a bitch.
ReplyDeleteI've got my hooked red nails going on this week too and they're making me happy.
Love you : )
Oh, and I forgot to mention that I finally fell asleep around 4 and had to get up for work at 5:30... wtf is that crap.
DeleteJust came across your blog and kiiiiind of just read through like a bunch of past posts of yours..Stalkerish? no. Creeper? maybe. But girrl you are HILAR. Ya killin me!
ReplyDeletethe wakeup at 11am during a workday thing is my biggest nightmare! thank god it was only a dream for you! unlike mine where I once dreamed i pissed the bed but actually DID piss the bed...at 17 years old mind you #details
3am though you did have lots of thoughts!! doesnt the saying go, everything good happens after 2 AM? or is it nothing good happens after 2am? REGARDLESS! you found suite life of zack and cody and and witnessed drunk tweeting
HAPPY HUMP DAY!! :)
At least it seems your doggi got some good sleep :P
ReplyDeleteI have so had that happen, and have actually gotten up and started getting dressed at like 2 in the morning before realizing I am an insane person and it is 2 in the morning. Sorry you weren't able to go right back to sleep! Gotta love coffee, makes those days so much better :)
ReplyDeleteYour dream scared the crap out of me at the very beginning! I seriously hate waking up at 3-4am! It drives me nuts.
ReplyDelete