Friday, February 15, 2013

The day I purchased a magical, hair washing unicorn.

Hey there, Friday, you sweet thang. How you doin?

Today is a special day.
Today is my first born's 7th birthday.
Which I think means she's definitely old enough to celebrate this birthday much like I celebrated my 21st birthday. Though, seeing as she's my first born, I hope my precious angel will take it a little easier than I did. 

Seems like just yesterday I was bringing home this little 1 pound, furry nugget. 
I hope you and your boyfriend, Mr. Neck Pillow, have a great day. 
Mama loves you.



Ok, now that the important stuff is out of the way, I really need to talk about going to the hair salon. I was there on Tuesday after work and I realized that I will pretty much submit to anything for the sake of my hair and it's really starting to get out of control. 
First of all, when the hell did we agree that allowing someone to make us look like this in public, regardless of how long, is ok?
The things I agree to for the sake of keeping up the facade of being a blonde. 
I digress.

The great thing about going to the salon is that I use it as an excuse to get my day drink on. I tell my boss I have a doctors appointment, then I go to my hair appointment around 3 o'clock and drink my little juice box of wine while my stylist makes me blonde again.

Typically this is when I start getting weak. Very weak.
My hair is getting played with, I'm feeling real good from the wine and the conversation is flowing as smoothly as the wine. I'm in my happy place.

Then it's time for them to wash my hair.
The head massage.
Consider me putty in their hands from there on out.

And then it comes time to pay.
I'm slightly buzzed and I no longer have any concept of my budget diva lifestyle.
Expensive, fancy shampoo and conditioner that will make my hair be strong and grow?
Basically spinach for my Popeye hair...
Yep. 
Sign. Me. Up.

I can't even act like I haven't considered putting notes on these two bottles, pleading for anyone who showers at my apartment to not touch them. I may actually shed a tear or few the first few times I used this stuff.
Because I made the purchase on Tuesday and I haven't been able to convince myself to use them yet.

Maybe because I'm afraid that when I open those bottles and a magical, hair washing unicorn wont fly out, I'll be horribly disappointed. I don't know.

Just go ahead and chalk that up to wine induced bad decisions.
And if you've used this stuff and it sucks... just please don't even tell me. Tell me it's liquid gold. Tell me the unicorn will come out of these bottles like I Dream of Jeannie. Because that's what I feel like I've purchased. Because I'm an idiot.

64 comments:

  1. I hate to tell you but I didn't like the shampoo :( I feel like it weighed my hair down! Hopefully they work better for you though because they cost me a damn arm and leg to buy them!

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  2. I use Pureology Shampoo and Conditioner - $25 EACH for $50 total. I nearly crapped my pants, and I was afraid to open them for days. Once I did, I hopped on the back of the purple glossy maned unicorn and flew away.

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  3. aw happy birthday, Ella!! Have you thought of taking Biotin? That's what I use and it works amazing!

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  4. Happy birfday ellabearrr!

    I buy my shampoop from TJ. Got a package deal of BedHead for $19, which still made my $2 Suave Heart race.

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  5. i'm so glad that this happens to someone else at the hair salon. i am always appalled at myself for the amount of money i will spend in the name of haircare!

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  6. ELLA! You so cute! Lily says she will buy the first round of shots, as long as she can get in the doggy bar with her fake ID. I told her what happened to me but she insists on using it still. Little rebel she is.

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  7. Happy Birthday to your little fluffy baby! The next time I go back to the hair place I am definitely going summer time blonde!

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  8. Such a wittle baby! Charlie will be her DD he is very responsible. And I do the same shit at the hair salon. I feel like I've just poured my heart out to my hair lady...the least I can do is buy her shampoo. And conditioner. And hair mask. And hair spray.

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  9. Happy Birthday Ella!!!

    ALSO I have severe care of awkward moments at the hair salon... ITS BAD. I get all tongue tied and forget the totally legit reason I had conjured up for mot buying the magical unicorn shampoo. I go tomorrow... ill get awkward again, but at least ill be blonder and awkward...

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  10. AWWW happy birthday Ella!! She's the same age as my little Maltese! Haha I love Brazilian Blowout products- did you get a brazilian blowout on your hair as well? I've never used them without one. Keep us posted on how you like them :)

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  11. I love dat lil baby girl. And that shampoo - I need it.

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  12. Those hair stylists. They relax us, make us feel comfortable and pretty, I start to feel like we're BFFs...and BAM! "This shampoo will do wonders for you limp locks!" and I walk out full of shame and much poorer. Fifty bucks for sodium lauryl sulfate?! How did this happen? There should be some box you check prior to starting that states you don't want to be sold products...you know, like opting out of emails. I have a $30 root lifter that has decorated my bathroom counter for a year. I'm too afraid to waste it by actually using it.

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  13. Hair Salons always gets me. It like they suggest something and I'm automatically like sign me up!

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  14. Aww your dog is so cute!
    I love getting my hair done... it's so relaxing! Hope that you like the shampoo when you try it!

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  15. My husband is always appalled at how much my bill is at the salon whenever I go. Honestly, I am, too! I don't know how they do it. Sweet talk ya, massage your head and BAM! They take your plastic and you walk out feeling like you've been used.

    Hate that feeling. But I obviously don't learn since I do it time and time again! Hope the products are full of unicorns and rainbows! (I've never used them, so I'll stay on the positive side of things!)

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  16. happens.every.time. i just can't say no to their puppy dog eyes.

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  17. OMG your dog in the first picture made me LOL...so cute!! Hair salons always get me too...while theyre doing my hair they will be like I think you really need this hair mask as well, I'm just like okay send ittt! Then after I find out the mask is like 80 bucks. Worst feeling ever.

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  18. Happy Birthday, Ella!


    My mom's a sucker for expensive shampoo & conditioner. I'm a sucker for make up. Always buying what the salesperson convinces me I need. le sigh.

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  19. I lalalala love a good salon that serves a glass or two of wine ;)

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  20. Happy Birthday Ella and here's to hoping you have magical unicorns flying from your dome : )

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  21. What a little cutie pie that Ella is.

    Not going to lie - I put notes on my bottles when I had a suite style bathroom in college. And then again when I lived with this insane lunatic. I actually considered putting hair dye in her shampoo bottles on the offchance that she actually used them. And then I decided not to because SHE was the bitch, not me.

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    Replies
    1. you're crazy and I love it. just FYI.

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  22. Happy Birthday, Ella. She's just so freakin' cute. I remember when you got her (back in the good old 'el-jay' days)!

    As for the shampoo - that shit cray. Buuuuut I'm sure the unicorn will come flying out when you open the bottle, and it'll shampoo, condition, AND brush your hair for you. So don't even worry about it.

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  23. Yep. I always end up buying expensive products, and I don't even have the wine influence (but I'm thinking I should take wine the next time I go - brilliant idea).

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  24. happy b'day to the sweet pup baby! I've never heard of that shampoo/conditioner but hopefully it will be worth it!

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  25. Our children are the same age, lol. And its liquid hair magic gold!

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  26. Being blonde is hard work! Getting mine touched up on Tuesday!

    Someblondesthoughts.blogspot.com

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  27. happy b-day lil precious. and i just want to tell you that i usually go get my hair done and it takes upwards of 4+ hours. whyyyyyyyy

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  28. happy birthday sweet Ella! and when I get my hair done, I run out of the salon with it wet. 1) because my hair takes 9 years to blow dry and 2) I don't want the latest shampoo with unicorns trapped inside.

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  29. I'm pretty sure when you open those bottles, a rainbow will magically pour out of it and unicorns will prance around cleaning your hair for you. And when it happens, you can totally rub it in and make us feel jealous. :) Feel good about that purchase, lady! You deserve a little pampering here and there.

    PS - Happy birthday to Ella!!

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  30. You're just as weak as all the rest of us bottle blondes. Don't beat yourself up! I go between thinking I'm the best penny pinching mama for buying Suave $3 shampoo to thinking I need the best miracle products money can buy, to hell with the cost. Bipolar much?

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  31. HAPPY BIRDIZZLE TO ELLA GIRLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!
    PS I am nervous for you and I hope the unicorns are nice and don't attack you!

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  32. I have the same type of hair place...they wine you up! I think it is a conspiracy to make us love them, tip them way more than we normally would, not notice our horrendous hair cut and then give them our banking information :)

    Happy Birthday to your baby!!

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  33. It should be a crime. You shouldn't be allowed to purchase hair products after they style and massage and relax you. I feel like a 18 year old virgin getting taken advantage of every time. And Ella word to the wise take your vitamins before bed and if that doesnt work a shower beer always does the trick in the morning!

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  34. I love that you drink wine at the hairdresser! I love having my hair done, but as my hair grows really slowly I go so rarely- I been since last June!
    And happy birthday to your adorable dog!

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  35. hahahaha, crossing my fingers for a unicorn!!

    http://herestohappinesses.blogspot.com/

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  36. Wouldn't that be nice! Those puppy pictures are just adorable.

    Sheree
    The Hartungs Blog
    thehartungs.blogspot.ca

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  37. Happy birthday to your girl!! Floyd sends her some bday smooches!

    I am such a sucker for all things volume. And if you tell me that stuff actually is amazing I will need some too. My salon uses all Bumble and Bumble...cue the crying from my bank account.

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  39. Happy birthday Ella, don't have too much fun....ahh who am I kidding, drink till that neck pillow looks like a Doberman and its okay if you don't remember it in the morning. Its probably better that way.

    XOXO Kalyn

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  40. Happy birthday Ella! She is so darn cute! (I'm seriously loving Kalyn V's comment above me, HAHA!!)
    I need to get my hair done so bad.. ugh. Love your nails! What the heck, my salon doesn't serve me wine! They need to get their shit together and get me wine pronto! Love your nails!

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  41. haha I just got my hurr did last weekend because it didn't occur to me to do it during work hours (HELLO, Doctor's appointment? Brilliant). Thanks for the tip ;)
    And that Brazillian blowout stuff is fabulous.

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  42. The Brazilian Blowout stuff is amazing, and I too have fallen victim to the salon's prices. However, if you decide you like it, you can order it on Amazon.com for less.

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  43. I just discovered your blog and am laughing out loud at work. People are staring. Happy birthday to your first born, and I can't wait to discover more of your blog. Happy Friday :)

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  44. Wine is probably my favorite part of going to the salon! And that and getting my hair done make me so weak too. I want to try that shampoo/conditioner! And happy, happy birthday pretty Ella!!!

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  45. Happens to me EVERY TIME. The wine/champagne mixed with the massage makes me do crazy things! How adorable is your little baby...happy birthday ella!

    Jill
    Classy with a Kick

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  46. The unicorn is invisible. Don't worry if you can't see it, it's there ;)

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  47. So there is a long standing joke between myself and the guy I married. He has an obsession with his neck pillow. I could fill a very large photo album full of snapshots taken of him while wearing it around the house. So I giggled when I read that your dog's boyfriend is a neck pillow. Happy birthday to Ella. My Apple, who I also refer to as my first born, will be 7 in September. My old ass is not at peace with that. She is immortal.

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  48. I almost spit my drink out when you said you told your work you had a dr's appointment and then went off to get your hair done. I have done the same (prior to my retirement of course). Oddly, no one questioned my fresh hair the next day either.

    And my first born is turning 7 this year too. The vet referred to him as "middle aged" at his last appointment. I almost smacked him and yelled at him for talking to my dog like that. I think Baxter was offended.

    Ramblings of a Suburban Mom

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  49. Happy Brithday Ella! Yesterday was my first borns 8th birthday! I think I made a bigger deal out of that than Valentines day. ha.

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  50. Happy Birthday Ella! I need to take some notes from you and do some day drinking when I get my hair done too... Maybe then when I buy my expensive hair stuff, I can just tell my husband I drank too much lol

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  51. I would probably sell my soul to the devil if I could have unlimited head massages/washes.. that shiz is too amazing

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  52. This happens to me every. freaking. time. I definitely think it's the wine. But I cannot NOT have wine so it's a Catch 22. And guys don't understand. Taylor almost chokes every time he sees how much I pay for my hair. He just doesn't understand what it takes to look blonde these days.

    Happy birthday, Ella!!!

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  53. This was literally the story of my life in college. I somehow managed to seek out the best hair stylist I've ever encountered in a tiny university town, and for five glorious years (because yes, I was obsessed enough that I drove an hour and twenty each way for a solid year after I graduated; highlights are not for the uncommitted!) I was broke as a joke with the best freakin' hair a girl could ask for. People can be all, "oh, pantene is just as good as the designer product!" until they're blue in the face, but no one will ever convince me it's true. (PS- try trolling the haircare section at Marshall's and TJ Maxx; I've occasionally found my former liquid unicorn gold there at 1/3 the cost I paid at the salon!)

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  54. so mainly i love that you tell work that you have a doctor's appointment and then just go about having a spectacularly bad ass day.

    i skipped work the last two days. because i had the bottle flu.

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  55. Girl, I just found your blog recently, and I have to say I love it! You are so adorable, and ridiculously funny. I'm your newest follower, and I wanted you to know that I'm featuring your blog on mine today as one of my new favorite bloggers that I've become addicted to. Feel free to come check it out!

    Shanna
    http://cheapersideoflife.blogspot.com

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  56. Such a cute dog..............love cute dogs...........as for the shampoo I have never tried it so can't tell you what I think of it..........

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  57. You're dog is sooo adorable! & I am LoViNg your nail polish! So amazing! First time on your blog (I know, shame on me), but I will be back for more!
    Adrienne

    myblackwhitecolor.blogspot.com

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  58. Love the dog in glasses picture...and she was so cute as a puppy. I want her!! haha!! I love to get my hair "did"...I get bored and change my hair color every 4 months or so and I also get suckered into buying those shampoos and conditioners...but if it's good for my hair then I justify the price hahaha

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  59. Awww! Your doggie is so cute! I'm your newest follower :) I'd love for you to follow my blog too. xo

    www.kacieskloset.blogspot.com
    www.daisyraeboutique.com

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  60. Invitation - inglês
    I'm Brazilian.
    Spent reading here, and visit his blog.
    I also have one, only much simpler.
    I'm inviting you to visit me, and if possible follow together for them and with them. I always liked to write, expose and share my ideas with people, regardless of class Social, Religious Creed, the Sexual Orientation, or, of Ethnicity.
    To me, what will interest is our exchange of ideas, and, thoughts.
    I'm there in my space Simpleton, waiting for you.
    And I'm already following your blog.
    Strength, Peace, Friendship and Happiness
    For you, a hug from Brazil.
    www.josemariacosta.com

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  61. I love a good hair salon appointment too! It's the most relaxing!

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  62. I still get such a kick from reading your blog - it is hilarious. And so true!

    Happy 7th birthday to your little nugget! Mine is also a Valentine's baby - but he's massive... he's a white wolf, but the clumsiest, lankiest and silliest one I know :) much like me I suppose!

    Let us know how your hair products are once you do decide to give them a whirl - maybe it'll be heavenly to your strands of blonde hair :) dancing with joy! Who knows?

    www.bohemianmuses.blogspot.com

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