Yesterday, when I got home from work, I decided to submit myself to some torture by means of "deep cleaning" my entire apartment. It was a Wednesday, I was doing fine on energy, I had nothing else productive to accomplish, and my apartment hadn't been "deep cleaned" in about 6 months. It was time, to say the very least.
My idea of "deep cleaning" is something along the lines of doing more than just some light vacuuming, changing out the sheets, flipping on my Scentsy warmers, and shoving nonsense tchotchkes (definitely had to Google that to find the correct spelling) in drawers to make my little one bedroom, Princess Palace, appear clean and organized. I guess the only issue with my typical method of cleaning would be that I'm not really doing much cleaning and my mess still continues to grow even though I convince myself I've taken care of it. My bad.
Dusting. Who does that?
Vacuuming behind things. Really, who does that?
Wet Swiffering the floors... HA. HAHA.
Oh, and yesterday I found out that removing the cushions from the couch and cleaning under them is actually something adults do. Or are supposed to do. Get outta town, Sweet Brown.
But I did it. I did it all yesterday. Actually, that's a complete lie because I didn't even make it to my kitchen or the horrifying mountain of laundry I've got going on in my closet. But, after four solid hours of cleaning, a few really questionable finds, and back pain that could bring a sumo wrestler to tears, I was over it and I needed all of the wines pronto. It was then I understood exactly why people pay other people to come do all of this nonsense around the house for them.
Well, quite actually, it might have been the strange array of stuff I managed to find in the abyss of my grey couch that really made me understand why people pay other people to come clean for them. I don't even feel comfortable going into detail about exactly what it was that I found under there, mostly out of respect for my immediate family and just how embarrassing it would be for them to claim me once I admitted to said sofa filth. Let's just say that one year of couch use equals you need to clean under that shit.
So, yeah, housewife I am not.
Also, if your vacuum is on the "hard floor" setting, it will not work on your carpet. Which will lead you to find more disgusting nonsense while trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with your vacuum, all while in reality nothing is wrong at all. Great.
I really need to train these dogs how to clean. It's the least they could do after the roof over their furry heads that I provide, as well as the consistent meals and turkey jerky. At least I think that would be the fair trade.
Then again, I'm still trying to train Ella to refill my wine glass for me. Which is still a work in progress, if you were wondering.
Go clean under your couch cushions.
Just be careful, you never know what could be waiting to bite your hand off for you under there.
That picture of your dogs is the most adorable thing I've seen in a while!! They always have the sweetest looking faces!!
ReplyTip: Buy a couch that doesn't have removable cushions. Problem solved! Only down side .. can't make forts with your couch cushions.
ReplyCome deep clean my apartment for me. Bring wine. Kthanks.
ReplyMy husband and I both work full time and we have a cleaning lady come 2x a month to do the deep cleaning! Best money ever spent! And it's surprisingly not that expensive Depending on who you use (we use someone privately not from one of the big companies like Molly Maids or Royal Maids)
ReplyI found a shit ton of food under my cushions, which Harlow immediately ate.... And then I threw up.
ReplyI'm going to need you to tell me what was under the cushions...and I'm not ashamed to admit that I wish you just found me hiding under there.
ReplyOh my soul. I love you.
ReplyMy hubby and I both work full time and our little one bedroom apartment looks like a tornado took over... at least it's easier to find things that way!
I am now scared to clean under my couch cushions.
ReplyMy idea of 'hard core' cleaning is getting on my hands and knees to clean the bathroom tub (something I rarely do). Honestly, one of the reasons why I think living with a significant other would be awesome is that they can help you clean. It all gets done in half the time and you have the rest of the day to play video games ^_^
I am always forced to look under the couch cushions because I know it's a sure way to find some extra money that falls out of the boys pockets! Sweeet! But don't worry, as soon as I find what I'm looking for, I quickly walk away pand pretend that I didn't see all those extra surprises that were staring at me!
ReplyI'm obsessed with your lamps! Where did you get them?!?!
ReplyI once dated a guy that took the couch cushion covers off and washed them every Sunday. What. THE. HELL?!!?!?
Replyhaha, exactly why I fork over the cash for cleaning ladies!
ReplyMy version of cleaning is watching netflix and pretending to vacuum. Soulmates?
ReplyCleaning blows. I hate it. And now that we have an adult person couch instead of an ugly piece of crap, I'm supposed to vacuum that too? Hate it. It was better when I could drink while doing it. Also, if you figure out how to get your dogs to clean, let me know. I've been trying to train my free loader Border Collie for years. Also, please let me know the backlash you receive from some douche who starts a Facebook war over you thinking dogs can clean houses. :)
ReplyI clean houses on the side...and I've seen A LOT of yuck...seriously the type of stuff that they should have cleaned before the cleaning lady came...yaknowwhatimsayin? Anyway...I bet it feels good to get some cleaning out of the way...I've got a lot to do at my house but Lord knows when I'll find the time and these darn kids just keep making messes! Love the new blog design btw. www.styleoyster.blogspot.com
ReplyI'm suprised "that's where that was!" Didn't make the list :)
ReplyAgree. To all. I always think those thoughts most when doing the bathroom.
ReplyYou. Have. Dog. Stairs. I'm dying, I love it.
ReplyWhat Stephanie said. ha. dying. plus, I also abhor cleaning and I actually am a housewife so i guess I mucked that all the h up. But the cool thing is that my husband hates how I clean the bathrooms "they're not clean enough" and then he just does them. Ergo...my genius plan of sucking worked in my favor. I win.
ReplyI avoid looking under couch cushions like the plague, even though our sofa is still really new and it shouldn't be gross yet. But I had to go searching for the TV remote the other day and had to stick my hand in the crack and it was terrifying and now I'm really curious what it is that you actually found in there.
ReplyI will do 1 load of laundry and vaccum the living room and tell my husband, "I cleaned ALL day!" LOL! BTW, I want that rug!!!
ReplyMy first year not living with my parents resulted in me surrounded by so much mess and total filth that I would have disowned myself if that was a real thing. The things I saw when I finally did a deep cleaning ... scarred for life, and that scarring is in the form of cleaning on a regular basis so the horror NEVER happens again!
ReplyDo what I did... marry a man who cleans. Best decision of my life.
ReplyCleaning under couch cushions is terrifying!
ReplyHilarious! After baby #2 comes, we're totally hiring a cleaning service to come bi-weekly. B/C really, I will NOT have time for that. And you should see how filthy my ceiling fans are. Honestly, nobody even touches them...I don't understand how they get so gross!
ReplyI've got a cleaning list/schedule that use so I only have to do like 5 little things a day, and my house stays relatively clean, even if I have 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a baby.
ReplyOnce when I was moving to a new apartment, one of my man friends came over to help move my bed. (Not in the awesome way.) My truly stellar "I am totally an adult!" housekeeping skills were showcased when he lifted up my mattress and found half a Pop Tart between it and the box springs.
ReplyUm, I need Ella's distance relative if you teach that betch how to fill up your wine glass.
ReplyShit. They don't make dogs like that in Kansas.
Also, please note the pun on betch & bitch. I can't even handle myself today.
xo fal • falfindshappiness.blogspot.com
cleaning is the worst. i put it off as long as possible and then i instantly regret putting it off for so long. i have also asked my dogs to help, but no luck so far.
Reply-- jackie @ jade and oak
Once you go housekeeper, you never go back!!!I It's worth every stinking penny!
Replyokay im totally going to be judged for this but when my nailpolish starts to chip, i usually start picking it off and throw it behind the couch where im sitting (SO BAD I KNOW) so about 3 months ago Kurt and I decided it was "finally time" to clean behind the couch (who does that honestly...no one sees it!!) He's like Erica, whats all this pink stuff webbed into the dust bunnies? I shrugged my shoulders and he looked at me all, OMG its nail polish you are gross!!!!
ReplySo since then he watches me whenever he sees me peeling off my nail polish. He also gets me a paper towel to put my polish on instead of behind the couch like a wild animal lol
but yes....who moves things to clean behind them anyway?!?!
i bet the princess palace looks amaze no matter what!!!
xoxo
oh and let me just add this is MY OWN COUCH...i dont do that in other people's house obviously LOL
ReplyLooks like you should teach Bear how to clean. My boyfriend is a cleaner so every time he visits me he cleans my apartment, even if I have done it recently!
ReplyI've seen people who have their dogs trained to get beer out of a cooler and that shit is crazy, and come teach mine. I'd like to know what exactly you found under that couch cushion... It's always nice when you find money but I'm guessing that's not what it was.
ReplySince I've "been on vacation" since August, I haven't even cleaned the room I'm staying in. I'm dreading getting back to a house with a husband, dog, and two kids. Woof.
ReplyMy room looks so clean one day out of like thirty days, and then I get dressed the next day and it's all down the drain. Or, the laundry's done & I decide to take a nap in the toastiness, instead of actually folding the pile.
ReplyYour dogs are soooo cute! I get sick super easily so I have to obsessively clean my apartment because I've found that I don't get sick as much then, it's a pain in the ass though!
ReplyKristin
crumbsandcurls.blogspot.com
I always feel like my dog should at least do the dishes once in awhile after all I do for her but still...she refuses to do anything more than push my dirty laundry into a nest and lay in it. Ugh.
ReplyLove the rug. Those dog stairs are so funny, I am sure my pups would love if I gave them a little boost with steps! One of my dogs hides his kong in my couch.. then forgets where it is and I always know where to look.
ReplyIf you think cleaning is bad now....life got worse when a toddler was thrown in the mix. Who the hell thought it was a good idea to create every toy on earth to have 23094823098 parts to them? When people come over, we shove all of the mess that's in the middle of the floor toward the walls of the living room and pretend it's supposed to be like that. It's quite horrible and I'm not sure I'll ever have a clean space ever again.
ReplyPS. This is shameful that I'm posting this on here and please don't hate me for doing so. But, I think this koozie might be just what the doctor ordered. For your Miller Lights at least.
oh lordy, I HATE cleaning and doing domestic things like laundry and vacuuming. I do like to cook, so I guess that is sort of redeeming. But otherwise, I'd rather do pretty much anything EXCEPT laundry.
ReplyGet a roomba. Its pricey,but it is the single best investment I ever made in my general cleanliness. now I can pretend that I vacuumed when all I really did was hit a button and watch Bravo.
ReplyOnce again proving our twin-ness. This is exactly what happened in my apartment last night. Tonight its the second floor that will be tamed. Pray.
ReplyI do all of these things. Not because I'm a housewife, or a, you know, grown-up... I do it because I get obsessive compulsive about seeing at hair on things. It's bad.
Replyand here is where we differ greatly...Saturday is deep cleaning my apartment day....i let it all pile up all week, but Sat is cleaning day and I LOVE IT!!! i can't stand going thru the rest of the weekend with ish all over the place...congrats on cleaning thou :)
ReplyI always feel that way - I am never going to do this again!
Replyxx
Kelly
Sparkles and Shoes
Glad I'm not the only one who hates/procrastinates cleaning! Also, the little baby doggie stairs - so adorable!!
ReplyWiki just confusedipated me on this "tchotchkes". You'd enjoy having me around for "deep cleaning"-- it happens on a daily basis here because I'm McAnalson because crazy stuff like dusting and such.
ReplyHonestly for me cleaning is a mood thing, unless of course I really just have to clean something (like everyday dishes, ect). But when the mood strikes ya better watch out cause I'm gonna clean everything!
ReplyDeep cleaning is something that is reserved for the days that I am trying to procrastinate doing something else, like studying. I thought cleaning under couch cushions was only when you needed change for something?
ReplyI'm constantly telling my dog to earn her keep... she looks at me like she doesn't know what I'm talking about but she's watched me clean a billion times. She managed to learn how to spell (T-R-E-A-T-S, W-A-L-K, etc) she knows each of her toys by name, she's smart but not smart enough to use the vacuum? Totally not buying it.
ReplyLittleBirdBlogs
I had to Google tchotchkes to see what that even meant, ha ha! As for how you say it.. uh no clue.
ReplyBut yeah, deep cleaning sucks. I actually clean houses for a living and I hate it.. but it pays the bills ha ha.
I saw recently that some Jerky for dogs, I think only the ones from china I donno?? They have been getting dogs sick. So Be careful and make sure it's not the brands that are contaminated and what not!!! <3
ReplyHousewife I am not either! The princess palace is looking spectacular!
Replyyour blog is hilarious - I love it!!
ReplyI'm am right there with ya...minus the wife part
ReplyYour living room is so cute though! I love the rug and lamps .. and the little steps for your pups! I tried to use steps for Brutus to get into bed, but his fat ass busted them the first time he tried to walk up :) Have a great weekend!!
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