It's humpday and I'm currently sucking down my beloved sugar free RedBull in hopes of being somewhat more useful than tits on a bull today.
Alright, all of that aside, today I'm going to get real here. Really real. See, I'm the first to rant about the fluff blogs who never really expose their true self and only seem to live on a planet far from my own, full of rainbows and unicorns. Of course, I'd love if my life was all of that (who doesn't want to ride a unicorn on a rainbow?) and if that really is their life, kudos, but I personally can't relate. I'm one of those humans who has real human problems and experiences real human issues. Not to say I want to hear about fights or arguments with loved ones but it's ok, in my opinion, to give your readers real insight to what makes you, you.
Still with me? If you are, let's continue. So, if you've read my about me you may have caught on that I once had a different blog, which I deleted because of something that went down (to China Town) in my life. Elaborating... I was planning a wedding at one point in my life. Yep, this girl was once engaged, for about 3ish months. Why so short of an engagement? Well, to put it most bluntly, I was incredibly unhappy. From the proposal to the motives to the guy, it was all wrong.
The proposal, or lack there of, was a complete mistake. You see, I found the ring in a drawer on accident. It was weird and awkward and no matter how much I tried to justify it, it sucked. Definitely not what I had ever dreamed of. It was the perfect start to one of the biggest train wrecks my 25 years on this planet has ever seen.
The two of us weren't meant to be from the beginning. When I met him I was a young 19 year old and he was a bouncer (who was 3 years older) at a popular college bar I frequented, if you catch my drift. It was pretty cool, at the time, getting free entry, a 21+ band and all of the free well vodka I could consume on any given night. At 19, this is the stuff that makes you oooh and ahhh. At least it did for me. We dated off (a lot of off) and on for a couple years - we were one of those couples who broke up every few months, it was just as obnoxious as it sounds. I was always the reason behind the breakups and I admit that fully. I was selfish, young, and wanted nothing more than to go out and get crazy with my equally young girlfriends. That's what your early 20's are, right?
Well, somewhere along the lines, I guess, I got caught up in the mindset that I needed to grow up a little faster than I was and, in a sense, get the show on the road. (this is the part where I curse Facebook because young girls are way too impressionable - i.e. yours truly) Thus, I agreed to peruse this thing... all the while, my heart wasn't even 5% in the right place for such a huge thing. The idea sounded alright but the big picture was nothing I could ever envision.
After about a month of being engaged and my 24th birthday passing, I started to realize that this was really going to happen if I didn't do anything. Never in my life have I felt so trapped. There was a strong bit of manipulation coming from one part of the relationship (hint: not my end) and it was a really, really big disaster. On top of that, my family wanted to hear nothing of this wedding being called off. I was the most alone I had ever been, seriously alone. Making the decision to leave was the easy part, really, but the hard part was getting anyone else on board with me. God forbid my feelings actually mattered...
They say "when you know, you know" and I think this goes for the one and also the not so one. I knew, wholeheartedly, this was not the future I wanted for myself. Not in the slightest. The "D word" is the only future I saw with him if I actually went through with it... I couldn't, I wouldn't (as my man Dr. Seuss would say). So, I didn't. I gave the ring back and ended it.
Kind of like this.
Did he fight me? Absolutely. Insisted therapy, counseling, etc. I couldn't even fathom going to couples counseling at the ripe age of 24... I'm a firm believer that if there are massive issues from the beginning it's, most likely, never going to get better. In addition, I wasn't even slightly sad about the situation. It was like I had an empty chamber where my love organ was supposed to be located. Right then I knew, deep inside, I had completely done the right thing despite what just about everyone around me was telling me.
If I can say one positive thing that came from all of this it's that I really think I found myself during all of it. I learned how to listen to myself and how to tune out the world's white noise, which is an extremely blissful lesson. I also became a lot closer with different people in my life who were there for me and supported me. Even one lovely lady, who didn't even know me (I'm looking at you, PLL!), reached her hand out to me and helped me sort through that big mess.
So, there you have it... That time I was engaged to Mr. Wrong (the thought still makes me cringe a little). Virtual hugs for any of you who made it through this little novel.
I love this. Thank you for being so real, so honest and open. And congrats to you for not following through even though you felt manipulated and trapped. I am such a people pleaser and have often found myself in those positions, not getting married but just in relationships, and can't get out. It's always good to grow from experiences, it's what makes you YOU!
ReplyGOod for you girl! I also was engaged to the wrong guy for about 2 months when I also felt trapped and it was the wrong decision. I'm glad you stayed true to yourself! I promise everything will work out- I'm now happily married to the man of my dreams (and have been for about a month ha) and I know it was the best decision!
ReplyI love that you shared this as well. And again, with what Brooke above said, HUGE congrats to you for standing up for your life and not going through with something that was so wrong. I'm waiting for the trainwreck to happen with someone I know, who I think got married for all the wrong reasons and is now having a baby, again for all the wrong reasons. Thanks for keeping it real boo!
ReplyI've been through a similar situation, he proposed while we were out shopping and seeing a movie then took me to the store to pick out a ring. We put one on layaway and he never picked it up. No one around me liked him, but I was so in love that I did care. It was such a mess and we did the break-up all the time, yell on the phone fighting that makes people insane.
ReplyIt was so hard to leave, I really did love him, but I knew it wasn't right. Now I am about to marry a man who makes me so happy that sometimes it even makes me sick lol but its amazing and more than I could ever have dreamed of!!!
Surprisingly, I feel like a lot of people can relate to this story but didn't have the courage to end things before they escalated to a wedding. I too am 25 years old, and have already had SEVERAL friends and acquaintances get married and quickly divorced (within 3 months). I'm sure they wish they had the balls to call things off when they could have. So PROPS to you girl for listening to your gut! My gut is the #1 thing I trust.
ReplyAshley
props to you! I think it takes a very strong woman to recognize when things aren't what she deserves or wants out of life. :) I think you should be very proud of yourself!
Replyxoxo
Being real is the only way to go! VENT let it out.
ReplyGreat REAL post today.
Also, thank you for the design refer. I just emailed her!!
Thanks
Sharee'
www.momFITtingitallin.com
Love how real you are. I, too, was engaged before I met my husband. It was horrible, I was so unhappy. I caught so much hell from everyone because of it and even from people who didn't know anything about me. In the end, it was all worth it because I found the love of my life, and now my soon to be daddy to our little boy.
ReplyDon't let any of it get to you. There is a reason it didn't work out and the thing is, why would you have wanted to make a bigger mistake and actually marry that person and be miserable? Then end up getting a divorce? That was my line of thinking - I am catholic, so I do not believe in divorce. I wanted to be married ONCE. Engagement isn't a serious sacrament like marriage is. Or at least that is my line of thinking...
I love your new blog design. When I clicked the link to read your latest post, I thought something was different... but I thought it was just pregnancy brain. I wasn't wrong, at least - it was different. I love it :) I am in love with anything chevron. (and owls, haha)
xo, M
1. obsessed with your new blog design.
Reply2. I could have written this, except multiplied by um... 4. I've been engaged several times. Nice, huh?
Being real is what it's all about... It's not always easy and fun, I love having an outlet to share my thoughts, opinions and feelings whether they are good, bad or ugly. I was in a similar situation when I was eighteen, it's hard and that feeling of being trapped is horrible. At least we were strong enough to get out before we made even worse mistakes, like going through with it.
ReplyLove ya girl! :)
Melissa
P.S. I am LOVING your new design, I've heard of her before on a few other blogs, she does amazing work!
First, I love your new design!
ReplySecond, I'm nearly 30 and have a few friends around my age who wish they had the strength of someone like you because now they're stuck in awful marriages (with kids now) so it's not the easiest to just pick up and leave. You were smart and really stuck to your intuition about the relationship, I think that's amazing! Good for you.
Girlfriend, you are so strong! I'm happy that you starting living for YOU. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did, but look where it took you. You are positively glowing now, and clearly head over heels in love.
ReplyOn a side note, your blog design is fierce! just like yo'self. xoxo
Love the new look!!
ReplyI still can't believe how much has happened with you in a year and I'm so proud of you. I love when you get real and enjoy learning more about you.
Life just gets better everyday darling!
Your blog design looks awesome girl. and thanks for sharing your story. I always end up unfollowing fluffy blogs, that's great for them but the fakeness feeling I get from them gets on my nerves. anyways I'm glad I got to know a little more about you
ReplyWe're like the same person. I was reading your post and said "holy crap, this happened to her too". I too was engaged to the Mr. Wrong of my dreams. Except we were engaged for about 4 years (I know!!) and I called off the wedding 3 weeks before it. I also had a very supportive family who when was all said and done, told me they knew he wasn't the right one for me, but knew I needed to figure that out on my own.
ReplyBlog looks great, newest follower and I can't wait to read more!!
xoxo Amber
myobviousobsession.blogspot.com
First, I love the new look!
ReplySecond, I think it's pretty amazing that you not only shared your story but you followed your heart.
My BFF is in a relationship that is not healthy at all and I hope one day she finds the courage to do what you did.
It's hard to share something so personal. Good for you for following your heart. You obviously are in a much better place and your Mr. seems like he's wonderful and treats you like the princess you are!! Sending love!!!!
ReplyWhat a great story! I think you've probably inspired at least one person going through the same thing to have a little more courage! GO girl!
Replyloved learning all this about you doll! you're a strong girl!
ReplyFollowing your heart is a beautiful thing! Also, I love the new design
ReplyJust found your blog and I LOVE that you really have shared your heart on this and are open, even about the not so fun things. I have a broken engagement in my past as well, and now that I've been married for three years (to someone else, obviously), I am so thankful that it didn't work out with that dude. SO THANKFUL. So good for you for getting out of that and living your life!
Replyi'm really happy i stumbled upon your blog and read this post, thanks so much for sharing your story with us! i admire you for realizing early on that he is not the one for you, i know a lot of people who would rather just live in the "fairy tale" than face reality. if ever i find myself in the same situation, i hope i can be just as courageous as you. :)
Reply<3, Mimi
http://whatmimiwrites.blogspot.com/
I just adore you!! And look at how happy you are now :) You have such a blessed life Whit.
ReplyI don't know how I am JUST finding you, but I love at how real you kept it! I think sometimes it's important to let your readers in on the not-so-glittery portion of your life.
ReplyAnd about your Mr. Wrong - good for you for making a decision based on your feelings & knowing what YOU wanted! That's a strong person in my book ;)
Hey, thank you for sharing something so personal. Having been in a similar situation myself, I know how hard it is to take the jump; I think you being so open on here might help a lot of people who also end up in similar situations. I'm so pleased you were able to be so strong, and that you are so happy now:)
ReplyAlso, LOVING the new look blog, think I'll be doing grey and white zig zag stripes on my nails tonight in honour:)
Oh sweet girl, I am so so happy to see how well you are doing. I remember when you messaged me, I stopped what I was doing to just write you, my heart just went out to you. I am so so happy that you were able to be so strong and get out of something that WASN'T right. SOOOO many people can't do that, so pat on the back sister. :)
ReplyProud of you, and so so happy to see your life going so well. You really do find yourself don't you??
xoxo
PLL
wow! bless your heart, especially since your own family didn't support your decision to call it off. you have to listen to your gut. that's one of the hardest things to me, about growing up ... realizing that you have to be your own self and stop depending on family to do your thinking and decision making for you. good for you for following your heart!
Replythis is so similar to exactly what my experiences were before DJ and I got married [so close to marrying the wrong person, more on that on my blog in weeks to come]. all I can say is I'm so happy for you that you did what was best for YOU. I remember feeling so selfish but then realized if I wasn't happy what was the point of living life to make others happy?
Replyall I can say is it turned out great for me and I know it already has for you! so proud of you for doing what you knew was best for you in your heart!
also, thanks for your sweet tweet today. It definitely made me smile [while I was crying in my office, assholes].
oh wow. Thanks for sharing. I could not imagine this situation, but i would like to think I would have been as strong as you were/are. That took a lot of courage to leave, but you're right...when you know, you know.
ReplyOh Lord, I cannot imagine that situation....but I'm glad you had the good sense to get out of there before you were talked into an obvious wrong decision.
ReplyKudos to you girl, that takes a strong person to do that, especially when others are telling you youre wrong.
I too was recently engaged and now un-engaged...Although it wasn't my idea and I still feel that we're meant to be, I can understand feeling that something isn't right...I like knowing that I'm not alone in the world.
ReplyNew follower :)
I just found your blog, read your about page, which lead me to here, and am now a follower, because I love your honesty! You looked so cutesy in your picture, but I see that you are "real" and I'm happy that you made the right decision!
ReplyAlright so if isn't already obvious.. I'm cleary stalking your blog reading all of your old posts! I do that sometimes when I find new blogs that I adore. Anywhoo.. this was an incredibly brave post to write and I love it. Also, I read your About Me and had to laugh because I didn't know your blog title was literal. So now I must tell you.. I bought a pair of wide leg black workout pants in July and I have been rocking them to work on the regs ever since. True story! You are adorable btw!
ReplyKudos to you! I knew it wasn't right the moment he proposed, but every time I had doubts, I brushed it off as cold feet and ultimately went through with it. We were married for about 4 years, then I left and filed for divorce. Not a bad guy, just not the one for me. Wish I'd had the guts to call it off beforehand like you did. Now, 4.5 years after divorcing him, I'm about to be engaged to my true love and soulmate. :)
ReplyAnd hi from a fellow Florida girl! :)
This is obviously SUPER late from when you posted it, but I realized today I never read your about me and then I came to this. Can I please just tell you how much I needed to read that? I wasn't engaged by any means, but I was living with my ex bf and thought he was the one. Today, I realized 150 million percent I was wrong and am so thankful that it ended. I still get sad when I think about him being happy (which is stupid - who cares?!) or when I see everyone around me getting engaged (such an exaggeration) and I get discouraged. Then I hit myself in the forehead and realized I am SO much better in the position I am now, without him. Divorce has never been something I want to experience and I know now that finding Mr. Right will be so much easier now that I've experienced finding Mr. Wrong :)
ReplyI'm a new follower just had a really really bad break up...Like I almost moved multiple states away to be with him. I really need this post to remind me that I was doing the right thing.
Reply"I wasn't even slightly sad about the situation. It was like I had an empty chamber where my love organ was supposed to be located. Right then I knew, deep inside, I had completely done the right thing despite what just about everyone around me was telling me."
Thanks, for that. I needed it :)
Keep your head up, sweet girl. We all have our days and I promise you it does get better. <3
Wow! Great post, thanks for sharing. I'm not engaged, but have been in a very serious on and off relationship for 6 years... Def gives me something to think about!
ReplyYou are precious. Love this real post.
ReplyOh girl, I went through something similar years ago. Fool proposed to me after 3months of dating; and I wasn't even remotely ready for that commitment in my life at 25... {not to mention 3 months in?!} You know you're doing {did}the right thing when you aren't even close to being upset.
ReplyNew follow
xox Mandy
Congrats on being so strong!! & thanks you so much for sharing! It is really helpful to others I'm sure who may be in the same situation, and don't have anyone on there side to help them out. You are such a strong person for being able to overcome such an obstacle!
Replywww.showeredwithdesign.blogspot.com
Just now reading this post & so glad I did! I, too, was engaged at one point -- a slightly different situation, but breaking off an engagement can be difficult! Thanks so much for sharing! :) I'm glad to see there are others out there that aren't afraid to share their stories. I told my story and was absolutely amazed at the feedback I received. So proud of you, Whitney! Way to follow your gut & make the right decision for YOU!
ReplyWow, what a story! Thank you so much for sharing this and for being so honest and real! A lot of girls/women can get an example from you. Sometimes we just want to please everyone so much that we forget about ourselves. It sounds cliché but, how can you love and please someone else if you don't love and please yourself in the first place, if you're not happy it's not going to make anyone happy! Good for you girl, be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself! I was in a sort like situation, but luckily I was never engaged, it was just a very toxic situation, where I was just scared (really petrified) to leave him, I stayed that long just because I was scared he would do something to me or my family. Luckily that's over now!
ReplyI've been there... same story, different gal. I was 23, not truly in love, and it was a total train wreck from the get go. Guy was wrong, motives were wrong and I was way too young. I felt so, so much like you did--completely trapped. My biggest hesitation in ending it was that my dad had already shelled out thousands for the wedding... but just like in your story, when I ended it, I felt tremendous relief. I never once doubted my choice, not for a second. I felt like I could breathe again--like I was ME again. Proud of you, love!
ReplyOMG! Where were you when I actually went through with it, and am now a Divorcee.. It took me longer to figure it all out, but I got out all the same. Good for you!! Thanks for sharing your story!!
ReplyBlog stalking a teensy bit! I knew you were engaged at one point and now you aren't so I had to find THE post. You know how that is, right? More importantly though, kudos to you for sticking to what you thought was right and sharing it on the internet for anyone to read! Very impressive, love! :)
ReplyConsidering how completely trapped and helpless and lost and miserable (etc) I felt in my ill-advised marriage, I completely relate. Huge props for being brave and strong enough to end it before you got as far as I did (luckily my divorce was relatively easy). I definitely wasn't.
ReplyThis happened around the time my exbf kicked me out and I was without internet. I am so sorry I missed it! I'd noticed a difference in your tweets and the like. Sorry I am a sucky blog-reading-friend. I am so proud of you for being strong and following your heart and your gut.
ReplyI'm a new follower to your blog and WOW! Aren't you just the most awesome person ever!! Good on you for listening to your instincts with this guy, many people wouldn't do that and just go through with it...then it ends up in divorce and we are wondering why the divorce rate is so high nowadays?! Ohhhhh gosh.
ReplyAnywho, I'm glad to be a new follower :)
Bri Rios
breezydaysblog.blogspot.com
Love your blog, love you! I think we've all made a decision like at some point....for me, it wasn't a wedding....it was having a baby with Mr All Wrong. Today I am free, single and happy and I don't regret a thing!
ReplyDef sticking around to follow xx
Back reading you, my dear! I have had this post open in Chrome for like, 4 days, wanting to read it. I'm so glad I did. :) I TOTALLY have done this, twice. I didn't have a ring, so that was slightly different, but the relationships were pretty much just as committed, and just as much of a disaster. I dated the first guy at 21-22yrs old, and the other one from 27-almost 30. You would think I would have learned the first time. But, JUST LIKE YOU SAID! I was not really that upset about it. I mean, I was sad about the idea of being alone I guess, but I just DID IT. I did have friends/family on my side. I cannot IMAGINE what that must have been like for you. :( Glad you made it through, and glad you listened to yourself. I still am figuring out how to do that. :P
Replyxoxo,
Gayle | Grace for Gayle
What a great and real post, and I totally respect you for calling it off. It wouldn't have been fair to you to be trapped, and it wouldn't have been fair to him if you'd married him and not loved him. Kudos!
ReplyFound this post through High-Heeled Love's post in our Weekly Round-Up. She shared it because it was so awesome! :)
Oh yes...I can absolutely relate to this!! I got engaged at 19 and ended it a year and a half later. We had been dating since I was 17, so we were together for about 3 1/2 years total. He was in the Army for most of it, and he was just a bad guy. Actually, I wrote about it a little here if you're really interested in it and what my life was like for a while with my friends....http://hollyjean331.blogspot.com/2011/10/its-in-damn-handbook.html
ReplyBut anyway, you're brave and awesome and I look up to you even more now that I know this part of your life! It sucks to have to go through something like that, but it teaches you SO much and really makes you look at your life differently!!! Like I said on my other comment, you're awesome!!!!
Wow! Thanks for sharing this post - obviously I'm a little late to the party on this one but spending my sunday doing a little blog stalking and glad I found this post! The only thing I can think that anyone could say about you is how BRAVE you'd have to be to stop it and know that it's better to call it off than be miserable for years! Also, I blame facebook too...and just the south (even though florida isn't realllly the south) ... all my friends are married/tryin' to get get married and now that I live in NYC, I'm 27 - not married, no kids, (thank god!) and it's totally normal. it would be weird if I WAS married..but everytime i go back to FL (ps i'm from clearwater/tampa) everyone's like, sooo when are you getting married!
ReplyAlso, as if you didn't already know you made the right decision, my sister (30) is going through a divorce now bc she got married to my brother-in-law when she was 25 (he proposed when she was 23) ...she actually told him she had to think about it (red flag!), did say yes, married yada yada yada but now she's getting a divorce and honestly the whole thing could've been avoided if she'd just listened to her gut! (ps - she's sooo happy now!!)
I too am late to the party. Sadly I can relate but unfortunately wasn't as brave/strong as you were and went through with the wedding. The marriage lasted all of 18 months before I left. Once I had my mom, brother, and others all said how we didn't see it lasting, etc. UH why didn't you say something before? I was doubting it and knowing I had people to fall back on probably would've given me the push to call it off.
ReplyAnywho, I'm now married to an amazing guy. One day you'll find your amazing guy too.
Thanks for opening up, It is definitely hard to talk about things like this in cyber world when people are just waiting to comment. I am glad to here that you made the right decision for yourself.
ReplyKatie
It comforts me to read your story because it is mine too. Almost down to the last detail. Thank you for being so open and sharing :)
ReplyKudos to you for sharing such a powerful story! With so many women sharing their weddings and their "perfect" lives, I think it's great that you shared an incredibly hard and imperfect moment in yours. I am divorced and I wish I had the foresight to have seen things the way you did! Thanks for sharing :)
Reply